Kevin Klatman

I tried to do a man on the street segment, but a car almost hit me.

That one friend who always wants to bring their old friends along cuz they work at a retirement home.

If you thought the Great Depression was bad, just wait for the Great Bipolar Disorder.

I'm coming out with a sour flavor of milk. It never expires (as far as your know).

I’m having a house warming party. Everyone please bring insulation, so we can warm up the house I’ve been hired to insulate.

Got a ticket for leaving my car in the park. #falseadvertising

Zinc supplements cost like 500 pennies per bottle. Just eat the pennies.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it’s a green light.

I’m starting a four man rap group. I still need 2 more rappers and another rapper.

Don’t go to a 10am funeral and say, “Good mourning. Do you get it?” #lessonlearned

Some idiot forgot to put out his campfire on the moon tonight. #moron

It sucks being dyslexic cuz I thought I was joining The Church of LSD.

They should’ve gotten a real blue person to play genie.

I still don't get why Antipho hates noodles.

I can talk to the dead. I haven’t figured out how to get them to respond yet though.

Technically all houses are tree houses.

My boss told me to toss the pizza dough, so I threw it out. Is anyone hiring?

I really thought I'd find a girlfriend in the Bae Area.

I'm making a new Vietnamese noodle scented air freshener called Phobreze.

I’m gonna change my name to “your conscience,” so everyone has to vote for me.