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@kellyoxford

NYT bestselling author. writer. huge fan of your work. Instagram: kellyoxford

Los Angeles, CA via Edmonton
Joined March 2009
Born November 29
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    19 Nov 2015

    7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"

    414 replies 41,514 retweets 94,611 likes
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  2. Jul 9

    Yesterday, at Starbucks, my ten year old told the cashier her name was Cornucopia. My work here is done.

    8 replies 67 retweets 1,581 likes
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  3. Jul 6

    You guys ever get so high that you eat all the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream but save the balls of cookie dough and bake them into cookies? Cause yeah.

    37 replies 14 retweets 813 likes
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  4. Jul 5

    I did not like that earthquake

    27 replies 36 retweets 503 likes
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  5. Jul 4

    I hate myself for loving small earthquakes.

    18 replies 10 retweets 353 likes
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  6. Jun 7

    Just cried while on freeway listening to Halsey’s WITHOUT ME, if you’ve ever wondered what PMS is like.

    14 replies 40 retweets 907 likes
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  7. May 7

    OH HI I JUST WOKE UP AFTER PASSING OUT 10 hours ago

    Henry Winkler () joins Kelly Oxford's
    14 replies 3 retweets 479 likes
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  8. May 3

    I still can’t handle the divide in how we pronounce GIF.

    111 replies 297 retweets 2,627 likes
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  9. Apr 7

    When a guy who just got dumped says, “She has issues” I assume one of those issues was she didn’t like him.

    36 replies 436 retweets 5,472 likes
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  10. Mar 26

    Thank you for reading my books. I can’t wait until you can watch my movie.

    Kelly Oxford-Directed ‘Pink Skies Ahead’ Greg Silverman’s First Stampede Pic
    29 replies 16 retweets 980 likes
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  11. Mar 5

    COLTON, I WOULD HAVE JUMPED THE FENCE TOO. I AM STILL MAD THIS MORNING. GOOD MORNING PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. YOU MISSED THE MOST MANIPULATIVE EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR EVER. HAVE A NICE DAY!

    24 replies 75 retweets 1,010 likes
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  12. Mar 1

    Coworker told me about a friend who discovered her banana allergy after professing, “I don’t like bananas, they’re too spicy.” And now I can’t stop thinking about that.

    85 replies 380 retweets 5,037 likes
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  13. Feb 25

    The next day and I’m still sitting here thinking about how close Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s faces were at that piano. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    53 replies 241 retweets 3,264 likes
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  14. Feb 24

    I’m still sitting here thinking about how close Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s faces were at that piano. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    81 replies 566 retweets 6,686 likes
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  15. Feb 22

    I peed my pants in a gas station while buying my first pack of cigarettes.

    What is your most on brand story from your childhood?
    Show this thread
    6 replies 7 retweets 396 likes
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  16. Feb 20

    10yr old just called Rebel Wilson “Rumpelstiltskin” by accident and that is her name now.

    4 replies 28 retweets 944 likes
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  17. Feb 18

    THIS IS ALL I CARE ABOUT TODAY.

    This Tweet is unavailable.
    22 replies 387 retweets 2,677 likes
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  18. Feb 13

    LA is a great place to own a sports car and drive 10MPH at all times.

    15 replies 39 retweets 780 likes
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  19. Feb 11

    When you’re laying with your dog and it’s so chill and nice and then he decides to lick his dick. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    45 replies 77 retweets 1,380 likes
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  20. Jan 13

    IF YOU ARE FEELING SHITTY RIGHT NOW JUST GET IN THE SHOWER AND WHEN YOU’RE IN THE SHOWER REMEMBER YOU’RE AMAZING AND NO ONE CAN FUCK WITH YOU THEN GET OUT CLEAN AND FEEL MUCH BETTER THANK YOU GOODNIGHT.

    112 replies 1,485 retweets 12,683 likes
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  21. Jan 7

    After this aired on TV last night, my daughter called me at work and gave me notes. 😂

    6:21
    The inspired and to train their daughters how to be Golden Girls and it was equal parts epic and hilarious. 😂✨
    4 replies 14 retweets 425 likes
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