k e i t h   

@KeetPotato

📍texas 🏠 england ✉️ keetpotatomail@gmail.com

Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2012.
Rođen/a 01. kolovoza

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  1. the ears my wife thinks i have when she talks to me from the kitchen while im in the shower

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    [tears streaming down my face] "baby shark do do do do do do... [starts doing the actions]

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  3. 2. velj

    if you work in the food industry reply to this tweet with where you work and would you eat there, if not why?

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  4. 30. sij

    remember when workplaces didnt take mental health seriously, you’d tell someone you were stressed n they’d just be like “have this small squashy ball with our logo on it”

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    That’s Kobe’s building the Grammys are gonna have to wait

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    My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.

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  7. 22. sij

    [the first person to invent a pistol is robbing a bank] him: [holding it up] “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY” bank teller: “i don’t know what that is but fuck you”

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  8. 21. sij

    penguin on right: “i need to tell you something” penguin on left: “okay?” penguin on right: “i don’t eat fish” penguin on left:

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  9. 17. sij

    settle an argument, you’re sharing a pizza, do you: - take Slice 1 (because it’s the next slice) or - take Slice 2 (because you took a few seconds to decide it’s the best slice)

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  10. 16. sij
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  11. 15. sij
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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. sij

    [asking to cuddle] can we 99

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  13. 12. sij

    [god creating humans] god: “the balls are the most painful part” angel: “ok so let’s make sure they’re most protected yeah?” god: “dangle em outside” angel: “....” god: “in a small bag”

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  14. 11. sij

    here’s an idea, give free coffee for life to someone who can’t afford it

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  15. 9. sij
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  16. 8. sij
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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. lis 2019.

    Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you Me: I didn't call you Demon: I did

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  18. 6. sij

    This is the plant based meal being given to all koalas at the London Zoo this year. No option with meat at all. No choice. Welcome to England in 2020 where vegan extremists rule. 🤮🤮🤮

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  19. 4. sij

    when your son won’t stop singing songs he learnt from a fucking warthog

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    literally anyone: “would you like some ice cream?” me: [knowing ice cream makes me serverely ill] “ooo yes please”

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