I’m kind of a morbid person (as my handle would suggest) in that I like learning about dark things, including the worst parts of the manosphere/alt-right. I guess it’s a “know thine enemy” kind of thing.
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So it kind of shocks me when there are people on the internet who say they had absolutely no idea what incels were or that they exist
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A lot of people have spoken so eloquently about the horrific entitlement these men feel in having access to women and sex, and how it isn’t up to women to “cure” or “fix” these men (not that most of them would be satisfied with a real woman anyway)
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And more eloquent people have discussed the special kind of stewing in hatred and dangerous misogyny these men do and how it leads to real world violence
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But something I want to mention I haven’t seen talked about, perhaps bc it comes off as sympathy, but is not, is I find their utter willingness to give up on themselves and humanity disturbing.
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Maybe because at a point, I might have considered myself a female incel (even though they assert women have it so much easier). I see these men going on about how hopeless they are bc they’re ugly, awkward, mentally ill, etc.
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They claim to have tried to form relationships, but to many that seems to simply have been following a dehumanizing pick up artist program, or having the *totally normal experience* of having shallow, unstable relationships in your teens and 20’s.
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Yes toxic masculinity is an immeasurably huge factor here, especially the ideal of the super stud, but I think it also bears mentioning the difference in attitudes that healthy people and incels have in approaching relationships.
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Incels and their ilk feel entitled to women and sex, that it should just be given to them with little to no effort on their part, simply by virtue of them being cis white men.
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And of course this works against them, bc women tend to have higher criteria for partners than “is a straight white dude,” which further fuels their entitled rage.
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I once read a takedown of “nice guys” saying that if all you have to offer is being a “nice guy,” it’s not enough, it’s the bare minimum, like being a restaurant whose only claim is that it serves food.
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And this is where a flaw in this entitlement logic is, I think, that rarely ever gets questioned for them. So you want a relationship, an idealized woman. What do you bring to the table? If nothing, how can you change that?
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There’s the whole saying be the person you’d want to be with, and that really helped me get out of my personal rut. But of course, the incel isn’t capable of self reflection and maturity; like a spoiled infant, he wants what he wants without any work on his part.
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And that’s the thing that kills me about incels, and frankly quite a few men in general: I see women working so, so hard to be interesting, beautiful people to attract their ideal partners, and these guys feel entitled to the same when for many simple grooming is too much to ask
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Like, the fact is a majority of these guys are just going through a hard time and fell down a dark hole and will most likely get out of it as they mature, but the fact that they’re listening to the minority capable of violence...makes my skin crawl.
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If you feel you’re an incel and aware giving up hope on yourself and humanity, don’t! No one is beyond hope, no one is punishing you. Maybe you’re alone so you can work on yourself and become a better person!
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If love is what you want, read about it, listen to people on what makes someone loveable. No, it’s not all about looks or money. Improve yourself, become a more interesting person, learn to play an instrument or take a class.
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Watch Queer Eye on Netflix. A lot of jerky guys/incels like to talk about how the only way they could find love would be to completely change/fake who they are, but I think this show is a great example of how to maintain your personality while upgrading yourself
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If you hate all women/see them as a monolith, then work on that. Get to know a woman AS A FRIEND, strictly. Read feminist works. Come to see women as unique individuals rather than a misandrist army waiting to cut your dick off.
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...I dunno where I’m going with this, I didn’t mean to devolve into giving advice to fictional incels that’ll never see this.
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