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  1. 19 Mar 2015

    Scrolled too far on my bosses phone. Saw his naked selfie (36, m). Needless to say, meeting was derailed.

  2. 19 Mar 2015

    A coworker left a cake on my desk with a piece eaten out of it. Diabolical move.

  3. 19 Dec 2014
  4. 5 Dec 2014

    Had a dream that went on a post-thanksgiving all broccoli diet. Why am I thinking of these things in my sleep

  5. 3 Nov 2014

    Join me to discover the best startup tools in the world.

  6. 30 Jun 2014

    Redefining the swamp ass game

  7. 22 Jun 2014

    "It's like tennis with your feet! And more people" -

  8. 22 Jun 2014

    "What does FIFA stand for? I thought that was just a video game."

  9. 16 May 2014

    Came all the way from TX to NYC and all I want to do is meet - sure the boyfriend will LOVE to hear that one

  10. 11 Apr 2014

    "Working from home" on Fridays = the ultimate

  11. 3 Apr 2014

    Check out KFC Radio via web: @Jpennebaker9 check out my debut

  12. 3 Apr 2014

    Got a shoutout on . Sad to say, my life is complete. And yes, , this is my real name.

  13. 1 Apr 2014

    April fools day for cube monkeys...already heard an air-horn and it's barely 8 a.m. GTFO

  14. 19 Feb 2014

    I would be embarrassed if Spotify counted the number of times I have listened to the One Direction album on repeat.

  15. 14 Feb 2014

    Valentines night: listening to while reading barstool app. Single as fuck.

  16. Retweeted
    14 Feb 2014

    St. Valentine should've taken lessons off of St. Patrick and incorporated getting shit faced when inventing his bullshit holiday.

  17. 14 Feb 2014

    YO - audible site ain't workin. Or I am just an idiot?

  18. Retweeted
    28 Jan 2014

    Cat #15530: Kate GIFTED a cat to Anne! She wanted two girl cats sitting on a tree branch! …

  19. Retweeted
    26 Jan 2014

    I 100% thought Ringo Starr was already dead.

  20. 25 Jan 2014

    "Every time I've been there I've gotten roofied"

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