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karl hess
@karlhess
“comedian-slash-food luminary”-
@LAmag
. host of Yelling About Pâté
@YAPpod
. ig:
@karlhess
. karlhesscomedy.com
los angelescleftclips.ticketsauce.com/e/amuse-boucheJoined January 2009
1,633 Following
10K Followers

karl hess’s Tweets

karl hess
@karlhess
buddhist monk drinking a monster energy in the tampa airport. florida always has something to show you
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karl hess
@karlhess
national adderall shortage, flavored vapes outlawed, looming tik tok ban…if i was in my early 20s i’d be dressed like a juggalo and high on horse meds too
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karl hess
@karlhess
so much damn fun at Amuse Bouche last week- many thanks to the chefs, the comics, ace production team of
@CleftClips
and co, and all who came out follow @ amusebouchela on IG for info on the next show 🍷🤌🏻 📸: top lensman joel barhamand
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RANDY LIEDTKE
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karl hess
@karlhess
i’m sorry for what i said last night, i was drunk. that roasted cauliflower dish was not, in fact, “bomb dot com”
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karl hess
@karlhess
cottage cheese is the bonnie raitt of dairy- my mom loved it in the 90s and i made fun of it, but now i can’t get enough
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karl hess
@karlhess
very excited to be bringing elysian park backyard syrian food pop-up phenom Nawal, and one of the southland’s Top Pizzamen, chef jack leahy of the great little coyote, to our next Amuse Bouche show- get those tickets while they’re hot 🔗 in bio 🤌🏻
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Debra DiGiovanni and 2 others
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karl hess
@karlhess
it’s funny that LAPD vehicles have that “there’s NO excuse for domestic violence” bumper sticker on them bc, well, you know
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karl hess Retweeted
Gab Chabrán
@gabchabran
My latest for
@LAist
is where I go in on the current state of outdoor dining city ordinances, which, as it turns out, isn't specific just to LA but also happens in cities like Long Beach and Santa Monica. If you love eating outdoors, please read:
laist.com
LA Restaurants May End Outdoor Dining If Permit Fees Are Raised. Here’s What Happened To Two...
Places like Gusto Bread in Long Beach and Crudo e Nudo in Santa Monica have thrived with outdoor spaces since the pandemic. Now, in order to keep them as…
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karl hess
@karlhess
was at a bar last weekend and a cat just casually rolled in and sat next to me. best day of my life
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karl hess
@karlhess
i think there’s like a generalized cultural yearning for the apocalypse at this point, some sort of cataclysm. but all we get is like “eggs cost a week’s salary and a train just gave you cancer”
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karl hess
@karlhess
otoño’s dog will definitely be included in my forthcoming coffee table book “Hot Dogs That Go Hard”
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karl hess
@karlhess
riding my bike and a driver said to me “excuse me, what city is this?” and i got the distinct pleasure of yelling “burbank baby!”
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karl hess
@karlhess
i love to log onto the internet and learn new facts, like: thursday is named after thor and ron desantis tortured people at Guantanamo Bay in 2006 when he was a JAG Officer
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karl hess
@karlhess
i like when gen z makes fun of us bc i know what’s coming for them. it’s like yeah, mock us, you’re going to need these fun memories to sustain you during the water wars
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karl hess
@karlhess
kurt russell makes natural wine and i drank some so now i have a very small part of his power
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karl hess
@karlhess
saying "that'll feed two birds with one scone" at my place of work and being mocked and ostracized by my co-workers for the next several years
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Jeremiah Owyang
@jowyang
I didn’t even consider my language, I’ve used the phrases on the left too often.
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karl hess
@karlhess
the man rannazzisi-ed his own mother
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The Washington Post
@washingtonpost
Rep. George Santos (R-N.Y.) has said his mother was inside one of the World Trade Center towers when they were attacked on Sept. 11, 2001, but immigration records indicate that Santos’s mother wasn’t in the U.S. on that day, contradicting his claims. wapo.st/3ITDmXf
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karl hess
@karlhess
in ancient persia, they would debate an idea while drunk, and then again while sober. if they didn't come to the same conclusion both times, they wouldn't act on the idea. this probably accounts for the very low rate of jack-in-the-box consumption in their society.
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karl hess
@karlhess
man i hope the us gov didn’t make mlk day a holiday so they could neuter his legacy and make sure his revolutionary anti-capitalist message and the fact that he was killed by the fbi are lost among empty pieties about equality. that would suck!
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karl hess
@karlhess
now that’s what i call champagne socialism!
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Nick Lloyd
@Civil_War_Spain
Inside Hotel Gastronomic No. 1 (Hotel Ritz, now the Palace), in 1936. The most luxurious hotel and restaurant in Barcelona was collectivised by the Ritz workers (CNT+UGT) and turned into this workers canteen still served by tuxedoed waiters.
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karl hess
@karlhess
apparently drunk women in the bathroom are very supportive of each other, and i think this could work for us fellas. next time i’m at the mirror in a dive bar bathroom i’ma tell the guy next to me “you know, that color is really stunning on you”
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karl hess
@karlhess
over 70 members of congress were found to have broken insider trading rules, and nothing happened to them. can you imagine if over 70 comedians did something terrible and there were no consequences? wait hold on
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