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Prikvačeni tweet
I share a birthday with John
@mulaney and Mother Theresa.Hvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi -
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The app is called “You’re Cancelled.” When you’ve made plans that you wish you could cancel, you go into the app and press a little button. If the other person presses theirs too, congratulations! Confetti exploded and your plans are cancelled.
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This morning I received an unsolicited dick pic via
@instagram from a man I do not know. What follows is a beautiful story I wove about an app I made up, that should exist. Enjoy!pic.twitter.com/7O9VDpwPct
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DEAR EVERYONE: Your friend who works from home IS STILL AT HER JOB DURING THE DAY. Thank you.
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Damn right. I’m unhappy cause I’m trapped behind a slow walker now movehttps://twitter.com/peds_05/status/1222380384387682304 …
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Can you even imagine the conversation in which an aide tries to explain to Bernie who Caroline Calloway is?https://twitter.com/dailydot/status/1222320704537997317 …
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Millennials can start an Instagram page where they assign one tree hill quotes to astrological signs but they can’t return a package to ASOS
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Whoever put this up at the coffee shop near me is getting emailed so hardpic.twitter.com/Ld6751CKz2
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Were we at Camila Cabello’s quince
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Leaving your home and getting back safely is such an underrated blessing.
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Kobe was a legend on the court and just getting started in what would have been just as meaningful a second act. To lose Gianna is even more heartbreaking to us as parents. Michelle and I send love and prayers to Vanessa and the entire Bryant family on an unthinkable day.
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I think the reason I don’t go out very much is because it leaves less room for me to feel bad about something I said or did the next day. You can’t be annoying or dumb if no one ever gets to hang out with you!! These are my tips. Yes I’ve seen therapists why do you ask
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WHO IS HWANG SOYOON? a thread on south korea’s hidden rockstar gem —pic.twitter.com/fHl3zzvEkd
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Please use a condom on Valentine’s Day. I hate Scorpios.
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I’ve dated men with 12 abs, I’ve dated men who are 350 pounds. I’ve dated a guy who was 6’8 and a guy who was 5’4. Turns out, everyone’s kinda hot and kinda sad. That is the conclusion to my 12 year case study on dudes, hanging up my lab coat.
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Making my friends watch a 5 minute YouTube video and telling them to keep watching because the funny part is coming uppic.twitter.com/IA0Y8aSeQm
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if the gun girl tried to interview me when she shoved the microphone in my face I would simply put my entire mouth around it and refuse to let go
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dating photographers, graphic designers, cinematographers... pointless... a fools errand... they never show their face online... ur friends like “lemme see” & ur like “umm their insta is mostly buildings” .... they forget u exist cus they’re thinking abt fonts or some shit
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my brain can, move out the way.https://twitter.com/dykelangelo/status/1217535913053630465 …
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As a kid, my mom never believed me when I said other kids were bullying me and I think that's why I really hate being called a liar. it's like being transported back to a time when I felt powerless. But you know what made me feel powerful? Homemade granola bars. for this recipe
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you wake up. you’re still a lizard sunning on a red rock. it was all a dream. the concept of selling “feet pics” to pay back “student loans” is already losing its meaning as you open and lick your own eyeballs to moisten them. time to eat a bug.
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