jes

@jworksays

slowly dying in a burning room

Los Angeles, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    6. ožu 2019.

    I share a birthday with John and Mother Theresa.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    The app is called “You’re Cancelled.” When you’ve made plans that you wish you could cancel, you go into the app and press a little button. If the other person presses theirs too, congratulations! Confetti exploded and your plans are cancelled.

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    This morning I received an unsolicited dick pic via from a man I do not know. What follows is a beautiful story I wove about an app I made up, that should exist. Enjoy!

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    DEAR EVERYONE: Your friend who works from home IS STILL AT HER JOB DURING THE DAY. Thank you.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Damn right. I’m unhappy cause I’m trapped behind a slow walker now move

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    Can you even imagine the conversation in which an aide tries to explain to Bernie who Caroline Calloway is?

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Millennials can start an Instagram page where they assign one tree hill quotes to astrological signs but they can’t return a package to ASOS

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Whoever put this up at the coffee shop near me is getting emailed so hard

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Were we at Camila Cabello’s quince

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    Leaving your home and getting back safely is such an underrated blessing.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    Kobe was a legend on the court and just getting started in what would have been just as meaningful a second act. To lose Gianna is even more heartbreaking to us as parents. Michelle and I send love and prayers to Vanessa and the entire Bryant family on an unthinkable day.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I think the reason I don’t go out very much is because it leaves less room for me to feel bad about something I said or did the next day. You can’t be annoying or dumb if no one ever gets to hang out with you!! These are my tips. Yes I’ve seen therapists why do you ask

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. sij

    WHO IS HWANG SOYOON? a thread on south korea’s hidden rockstar gem —

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    Please use a condom on Valentine’s Day. I hate Scorpios.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I’ve dated men with 12 abs, I’ve dated men who are 350 pounds. I’ve dated a guy who was 6’8 and a guy who was 5’4. Turns out, everyone’s kinda hot and kinda sad. That is the conclusion to my 12 year case study on dudes, hanging up my lab coat.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    18. sij

    Making my friends watch a 5 minute YouTube video and telling them to keep watching because the funny part is coming up

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    if the gun girl tried to interview me when she shoved the microphone in my face I would simply put my entire mouth around it and refuse to let go

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    dating photographers, graphic designers, cinematographers... pointless... a fools errand... they never show their face online... ur friends like “lemme see” & ur like “umm their insta is mostly buildings” .... they forget u exist cus they’re thinking abt fonts or some shit

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. sij
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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    14. sij

    As a kid, my mom never believed me when I said other kids were bullying me and I think that's why I really hate being called a liar. it's like being transported back to a time when I felt powerless. But you know what made me feel powerful? Homemade granola bars. for this recipe

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    14. sij

    you wake up. you’re still a lizard sunning on a red rock. it was all a dream. the concept of selling “feet pics” to pay back “student loans” is already losing its meaning as you open and lick your own eyeballs to moisten them. time to eat a bug.

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