Donald Trump asking about nuclear weapons is the biggest red flag since Voldemort asked about Horcruxes as a teenager at Hogwarts.
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Jamie Woodham
@jwoodham
Writer. Comedian. Human Bean.
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1/3 -- EXTINCT: is written by Joel H. Cohen, Rob LeZebnik, and John Frink. Additional writing by and .. Directed by me & co-director Raymond S. Persi. did the beautiful animation, headed by Jason Ryan. Fab prod design Evgeni Tomov.
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In the end, Donald Trump went out the same way he came in — losing the popular vote by historic margins.
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Don’t threaten us with a good time.
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Trump has signaled to allies that the Secret Service will have to drag him from the White House kicking and screaming vntyfr.com/DEH8ALx
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Regardless of which way Georgia goes, please let this serve as a reminder to everyone on the left that *EVERY SINGLE STATE* has hundreds of thousands (if not millions!) of progressives who care just as much as you do. Democrats in the South work harder than Democrats anywhere.
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Well, that was the most painful presidential address in American history — and Teddy Roosevelt was once shot in the middle of one.
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It will never not be funny that year after year, cycle after cycle, as sure as the sun does rise, Republicans see giant swaths of almost entirely uninhabited land colored red on election maps and imagine they’re just full of smiling white faces waving up at them by the millions.
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Shout out to all the Americans who use the military to justify their support of Republican candidates! They’re currently making you proud by focusing on... [squints at notes] a nationwide effort to invalidate overseas Armed Forces votes.
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IMPORTANT: There are about to be a lot of hurt feelings from a lot of *paSsioNate fOlks Who FeeL heArtbroKEn and Sad* on the right, so please try to treat them with all the same respect they’ve shown you for the past four years.
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Now more than ever, fuck Auburn.
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BREAKING: Republican Tommy Tuberville wins election to U.S. Senate from Alabama, beating incumbent Sen. Doug Jones. #APracecall at 9:10 p.m. CST. #Election2020 #ALelection apnews.com/Election2020
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The moral of the story is, he lied to you for months and encouraged you to live wrecklessly during a pandemic, and when it got to him he received every top tier treatment and medication to ensure his survival while your friends and family died alone. Remember that on Nov 3rd.
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It feels weird to say “this is the absolute best news I’ve heard all year” and have it be empirically true, but I guess that’s just where we are in September of 2020.
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Between your donations, our donation matching, and then a last-minute *additional* donation matching by , we just raised nearly $3,000 for #BlackLivesMatter in less than 24 hours! Please continue to donate as much as possible, and urge those around you to do the same ❤️
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Thank you to each and every one of you who helped us meet (and then wildly exceed) our goal of matching donations up to $750! The hard work of and put us in perfect position to succeed, and they deserve all the praise.
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Together with our families, and I are matching donations to #BlackLivesMatter and several other groups fighting racism and police brutality.
Post a screenshot of your (new) donation below and we will match each one up to a total of $750 ❤️
secure.actblue.com/donate/ab_mn
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Together with our families, and I are matching donations to #BlackLivesMatter and several other groups fighting racism and police brutality.
Post a screenshot of your (new) donation below and we will match each one up to a total of $750 ❤️
secure.actblue.com/donate/ab_mn
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And yes, obviously it was dumb to do this and obviously I’m sure I’ll regret it. But one of those two responses sprung to mind re: every comment this tweet has gotten, so c’est la vie. And if that doesn’t mean what I think it means, then I was hacked. Thank you, and please vote.
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(2) THE NERD RESPONSE: Anyone arguing that Bran *should* be King (because he “holds all the stories” or some shit) needs to remember that Bran is dead. “Bran” is the Three-Eyed Raven and *that* is who’s King now. So get bent. Or rather, get broken. Like Bran. Who, again, is dead.
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(1) THE JOKE RESPONSE: Come on, y’all. Why respond to this with an earnest argument? It’s clearly just a goof. One of my favorite things in the world is nerdily discussing ASOIAF, but this tweet ain’t that. It mentions Jim Halpert, for crying out loud.
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Well, this tweet got stupidly popular, and as much as I know it’s an awful idea to provide thoughtful responses to strangers’ comments... here are two different thoughtful responses to all the various strangers’ comments:
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TYRION: People love stories. And nobody has a better story than Bran.
JON SNOW, WHO WENT FROM STARK BASTARD TO LORD COMMANDER TO KING IN THE NORTH, WHO WAS LITERALLY KILLED AND RESURRECTED, WHO SLAYED HIS QUEEN/AUNT/LOVER FOR THE GOOD OF THE REALM: [Jim Halpert look to camera]
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EVERYONE: Good luck topping Marvel this weekend, HBO...
HBO: ARYA NOT ENTERTAINED?!
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The boarding of airplanes is a perfect metaphor for America. There’s a painfully obvious way to make it better, but since the solution would cause the most privileged class the mildest inconvenience, we’ll just keep doing things ass-backwards and inefficiently as possible.
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Politics is rarely ever this simple, but a truly good man defeated a truly bad man. Roll tide to Doug Jones. And roll tide to the indomitable Black community, who just saved us for the umpteenth time in their never-ending effort to steer this country away from total annihilation.
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Holy hell, I finally have a reason other than football to be proud of Alabama. I worked on literally dozens upon dozens of Democratic campaigns in my time there, and we lost every single one of them. Until now. Never give up, y’all.
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Checking the news every morning with Donald Trump as president feels like Steve Harrington waking up in a car being driven by children.
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Please let Donald Trump go at Eminem. Please let the orange man’s feelings get so hurt we get more of this.
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REPUBLICANS: Well, he basically defended the KKK yesterday, but at least there's no way he can make things any worse.
TRUMP: Hold my hood.
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