Justin Shanes

@justinshanes

TV writer. Spokesfish for tuna, chicken & salmon pouches/cans.

Los Angeles
Joined December 2008
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    7 Aug 2014

    In high school I was in a band called "Ska Mitzvah" and played alto sax, so no, I don't know how to open your fucking beer with a lighter.

    40 replies . 1,501 retweets 6,514 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    May 12

    Love how the men who think women with six-month-old babies can just start producing breast milk are the same ppl who think they know enough about pregnancy to make laws about it.

    236 replies . 9,519 retweets 73,125 likes
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  3. May 7

    When a TV character buys a snack from a vending machine? Baby you KNOW that snack's getting stuck in the machine!

    1 reply . 4 retweets 75 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    May 5

    I don't read the news anymore it's all just too depressing. [turns on some 8 hour documentary called like "Beastly Eyes: The Story of the Greenfield County Child Ultra-Murderer"]

    12 replies . 233 retweets 4,044 likes
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  5. May 3

    I want to hear more about this "unconscionable breach of decorum" from the people who shrugged off a sitting president inciting supporters to hang Mike Pence.

    6 retweets 24 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    May 3

    For my entire lifetime (and I'm old as fuck), assuming that Republicans will always do the most hateful thing possible, despite what they say, has proven correct at every conceivable juncture, and anyone who has thought anything less than that has been wrong every time.

    1 reply . 34 retweets 311 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    May 3

    The dissents by definition will not be powerful. The soundness of his argument will not matter. They have the votes. It’s high time we stopped focusing so much on the theatrics of power and took more seriously its actual exercise.

    If Alito gets a majority for his opinion in current form, the dissents are going to be very powerful. Saying women shouldn’t have rights today b/c it wasn’t custom & history in this country for men to grant them to them may not turn be the compelling argument he thinks it is.
    70 replies . 3,412 retweets 21,541 likes
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  8. Retweeted
    May 2

    Damn. Every word of this. 🔥🔥🔥

    The Christian Theocrats are going to overturn abortion rights as they promised, and nobody is prepared to stop them. My latest in
    11 replies . 64 retweets 373 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    May 2

    You could strike all references to “Roe and Casey” in the central piece of Alito’s ruling (below) and substitute “Griswold” and and the internal logic would hold

    “We hold that Roe and Casey must be overruled.”
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    19 replies . 153 retweets 451 likes
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  10. Apr 18

    *swimming in public pool with my family* Lifeguard into megaphone: "Great news, people! The federal judiciary has spoken and we will be releasing the sharks in THREE... TWO..."

    19 likes
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  11. Apr 18

    Encouraging passengers to unmask mid-flight is so unbelievably cruel and petty and another display of just how much the tribalistic, culture war bullshit stoked by the right has infected everyone's angry little brain, where punishing the "other side" brings a sadistic thrill

    1 reply . 37 retweets 116 likes
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  12. Apr 16

    7 likes
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  13. Apr 16

    My extremely not-Jewish Australian girlfriend has informed me that no matter what happens, she is not eating gefilte fish at the seder we're going to. There seems to be a lot of concern (terror?) surrounding the gefilte fish.

    6 replies . 24 likes
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  14. Apr 12

    BLOOPER: At 58:33, Leto says, "There is no 'i' in Morbius... but there is an 'us.'" In fact, there is an "i" in Morbius.

    5 likes
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  15. Apr 6

    I'm not kidding when I say this is the most excited I've been by a celebrity sighting

    199 replies . 6,760 retweets 125,014 likes
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  16. Retweeted
    20 Apr 2015

    this guy was driving around with a decal of calvin pissing on nothing in particular. you missed the point entirely wwith this baffling setup

    27 replies . 567 retweets 3,092 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Mar 27

    “At your highest moment that’s when the devil comes for you.” I whisper to myself as my tweet gets its 28th like.

    3 replies . 64 retweets 1,601 likes
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  18. Mar 19

    (*captured with my phone. I didn't capture a seagull, though I'm fairly confident I could given at least three Cool Ranch Doritos)

    7 likes
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  19. Mar 19

    Left: the giant glue pad that got stuck to my arm while reaching for something this morning Right: the seagull I captured at the beach, 5 min before someone's dog came up to my chair and bit my arm Anyway, can you guys tell I deactivated my Insta for a week?

    3 replies . 16 likes
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  20. Mar 7

    Scrolling through Instagram, commenting “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society” beneath all my friends' posts

    6 retweets 45 likes
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  21. Mar 6

    Was so cool of Scollins to organize this and way better than when I asked my mom. Also, out of everything Movie Club has watched my favorite has been the Mike Leigh film Secrets & Lies, it's so great!

    2:16
    Movie Club loves Elliott Gould and he’s on Cameo so we asked him to suggest a movie he loved for our next film! He picked REDS, LITTLE MURDERS and THE QUIET MAN! He’s the best so let’s all watch one of those this week!
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    1 reply . 6 likes
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