fellas, is it gay to have a wife?
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The Emasculation of Prince Harry in Six Pictures.
The toxic impact of SJW Hollywood feminism on Western man cannot be understated.
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JP
@jpbrammer
Writer. Illustrator. Joto. ¡Hola Papi! . My book with is out now. Rep'd by
JP’s Tweets
asking my girl which hospital she’s in because someone told me the queen was dying
this is the one that’s been frying rice
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when I leave the Zoom and my smile disappears I do feel like a serial killer
I am CRYING laughing at this like imagine being a fish and minding your own business but humans fucked up the world so bad that their version of helping you is launching you through a giant silly straw
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This system helps native fish pass over dams in seconds rather than day
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well selectively activate them
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Human DNA contains all the necessary genes to produce feathers - it's merely a matter of selective activation.
I detest the world that hurt Big Poppa
how did they crucify a pea
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We are quite literally not being tested
I don’t need to “see myself” in a president. I need to stop seeing GoFundMe campaigns for insulin.
in solidarity with the Cheesecake Factory I will not be paying rent either
people are shocked by this but you don't write Liability without being close friends with pain itself twitter.com/chuuzus/status
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do you know how useless my anxiety is like I catastrophized about a million scenarios yet somehow not this one
a breakup text that begins with "As we continue to navigate our new normal in a world ravaged by covid,"
winter is just me asking my body "are you sick?" and my body being like "maybe ;)"
thinking of my high school classmate who said "my people built that" referring to the gothic architecture of Notre-Dame because she identified as a goth
mewtwo had the correct reaction to being forced into existence. it was on sight
this image is like if you typed “divorced” into an AI art generator
I was getting called “beaner” in middle school. I lied and said I was actually half German so they changed it to “beanerschnitzel”
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What’s an insult you’ll never forget?
being gay but only allowed to channel it through arts and crafts
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ok so it turns out I was in fact dressing up for other people and not "myself"
after spending a solid two weeks with no one but myself I’m starting to narrow down the source of many of my problems and you’re not going to believe this—
a man in the dog park with a thick eastern european accent dipped the puppy he was holding and said “your friends are now upside down”
one thing I really love about Parasite is that rather than depict the family as scammers pretending to be good at their jobs, they actually do their jobs flawlessly! what they lack isn't skill, but institutional stamps of approval and the bows and ribbons that rich people love
I miss being asked to watch over someone’s stuff at a coffee shop and wondering if I’m ready to fight
surely there is something between this and a card that’s slightly too large for your wallet
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A Swedish company has come up with a microchip that can be inserted under the skin so that users can carry their Covid passports in their arm.
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excited that I get to drink coffee tomorrow. I do every day and tomorrow will be no different
Hello. My name is Joo Dee, and I work for Amazon. We are treated very well and I love my coworkers. My manager listens to me and I have plenty of bathroom breaks. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
this was a good use of one of the 600 tweets I’m allowed to see per day
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ok thank u science
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Technically lava can kill coronavirus, but there's a good reason why no-one is using it in the fight against the ongoing pandemic: nothing else would survive the encounter with molten rock either.
on.forbes.com/60171fRZF
god I love this stunt queen retiring every few years then being like “well,”
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Hayao Miyazaki will return to direct one final film for Studio Ghibli — a “fantasy on a grand scale.”
(Source: nytimes.com/2021/11/23/t-m)
she wears short skirts I'm trapped in an amulet. she's cheer captain and I'm in this amulet
beginning a breakup text with "as the situation with the supply chain continues to develop,"
I'm watching a lot of videos about ancient Rome and one thing that kills me every time is one historical figure getting mad at another and having to sustain that anger for several months as they travel across Italy to confront them
[a can of white claw bounces off my tax-funded Iron Man mech suit] this is unacceptably violent
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just saw something I've never seen in my life. this airplane bathroom has a WINDOW. I felt serene. like an angel...
baking banana bread and shaving your head is not "spiraling" rob a fucking bank
ah shit ah fuck we bringing back the curtsy
the only bread my grocery store had left was mini croissants and well guess what ᵇᵒⁿʲᵒᵘʳ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ
Wattpad has assumed control of the simulation
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harry’s car broke down so a fans dad let him in his house and while they waited harry fed their fish and left notes for the fan and for that reason your honor, he is the only man to ever exist
my critique is this should be several hours long, or perhaps weeks twitter.com/ziyatong/statu
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the moral of the Phantom of the Opera is that sometimes there's this weird guy who is impossible to deal with
Subway should ditch the "healthy eating" angle imo. no one really buys into that myth anymore. they should be like "we're Subway and actually we're bad now 😈" and film an ad where they kill someone
a corporate phrase I dislike is “just to piggyback off what you said…” Get off me
an ambiguously male blue slug alien is going to cast a longing look at a meerkat pilot thing shortly before he gets blown up
buying the "I'M HIM" one to wear alone in my apartment so I don't forget
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me as a child shortly after learning there are other planets twitter.com/JoeJohnsonIce/
my thought on Stevie Nicks is that if you write Landslide everyone should let you do pretty much whatever you want after, including crimes
I can’t believe I have as many hours in my day as George Santos this guy is always up to something
I've seen some well-intentioned posts like "Pride can wait." but maybe consider Pride is supposed to be about challenging authority and embracing solidarity. Black and brown LGBTQ people have been using this occasion to protest for decades.
ok does anyone else have any ideas
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The Moon should be privatised to help wipe out poverty on Earth, economists say indy100.com/science-tech/m
“Lol ok... wow.”
- Lucifer twitter.com/omarsuleiman50
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I wonder how gossip hit in the ancient world. like your neighbor Agrippina shows up in your window saying "bitch they just assassinated Caesar" and you drop your ration of grain to be like ?????
looking at houses on zillow and seeing so many sliding barn doors... Chip and Joanna Gaines one day you will answer for your sins
Kevin Hart really thought he could rattle Lil Nas X, a veteran of Barb twitter
Dr. Peterson I'm going to be real with you here I could throw you like a paper plane
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Call me cis to my face and see what happens twitter.com/spikedonline/s…
she wears short skirts, I'm googling the symptoms of gout. she's cheer captain, and I have gout
people on twitter love to be like “let me be crystal fucking clear” then string together a bunch of words invented that afternoon
this woman in starbucks was fighting with someone over the phone and she just put them on speaker so that we could all hear "how dumb you sound"
"bring back manly men" is dangerous bc you're really describing a pretty narrow window of recent time like you overshoot by even a little bit and they're all wearing wigs and capes
can you be a little more sensitive about posting sea shanties on here... some of our husbands chose the sea over us...
pretty humiliating when I clean my room after a depression spell and it takes all of 20 minutes. it could at least try to live up to the Herculean task I hyped it up to be before
so sorry for my delay in getting back with you! I have been beset by calamities
when this all started I was like "today I will make myself a honey dijon pork chop over risotto" and now I just wake up like "egg"