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  1. Pinned Tweet

    If I owned an island, I would 100% call it: "Isle Of Itwhenyoucallmebigpoppa."

  2. When you're ready for your parents to stop picking out your clothes for you.

  3. Austin, who's coming with me to this show? The correct answer is all of you.

  4. Honestly though I'm going to you more than you're going to me! (Other people in Austin, come too!)

  5. A guy dressed as a mime yelled "Move it, fatass!" at me tonight, and I wasn't even upset because I was so smug that he broke character.

  6. Mood: Homesick for candlepin bowling, a sport at which no one has ever succeeded.

  7. Toronto, come see ! I mean, why wouldn't you? How dare you question me.

  8. Time to pre-order your copy of 's new album, Solid Gold!

  9. I have Austin friends! And I think they would like a lot!!!

  10. Austin! On December 14th I'm doing a whole lot of jokes at the New Movement Theater! Come see them!

  11. My halloween costume is jill stein. I didn't do anything to look like her but I expect every1 to respect that I tried to wear a costume.

  12. I bet voting early and still having to see all the election coverage feels like being served Facebook ads for the thing you already bought.

  13. Mega Man X was an amazing video game and civil rights leader.

  14. you do not need to tell me you are engaged to your best friend i assumed you were close

  15. Here's our piece on the problems of School Segregation from last night...

  16. You can't bring Samsung Galaxies on planes because they catch on fire. You know what might help that, liquids.

  17. How is it currently Halloween, but it feels like Halloween was a week ago?

  18. Women share their real-life horror stories of surviving a cult

  19. This isn't actually soap. It's Daniel Day-Lewis preparing to play soap in a movie.

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