When I describe East Coast vs West Coast culture to my friends I often say "The East Coast is kind but not nice, the West Coast is nice but not kind," and East Coasters immediately get it. West Coasters get mad. 😂😂😂
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Niceness is saying "I'm so sorry you're cold," while kindness may be "Ugh, you've said that five times, here's a sweater!" Kindness is addressing the need, regardless of tone.
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I'm a West Coaster through and through—born and raised in San Francisco, moved to Portland for college, and now live in Seattle. We're nice, but we're not kind. We'll listen to your rant politely, smile, and then never speak to you again. We hit mute in real life. ALOT.
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So often, we West Coasters think that showing *sympathy* or feeling *empathy* is an act of kindness. Sadly, it's really just a nice act.
Kindness is making sure the baby has a hat. (s/o to breenewsome and BlackAmazon)
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I have become a dedicated and obstinate materialist aka “ DOES BABY HAVE HAT “ for reasons like my last retweet. @BreeNewsome talks concrete realities and folks want to talk ephemera
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When you translate this to institutions or policy, you'll see alot of nice words being used, & West Coast liberals/radicals are really good at *sounding* nice. But I've seen organizers & activists from other places get frustrated because nothing happens after ALOT of talk.
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Nothing happens after the pronoun check-ins and the icebreakers. It's rare we make sure that people's immediate needs are addressed. There's no kindness. You have people show up to meetings hungry, or needing rides home, and watching those with means freeze when asked to help.
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As we begin to "get back a sense of normalcy" or "re-calibrate" to what people in Blue States™ think is Right™ and Just™, I want us to keep in mind the difference between Niceness and Kindness. If something sounds nice, doesn't mean that its kind.
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Making sure the baby has a hat is being a responsible parent.
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Have you read Rutger Bregmans 'Human kind - A hopeful history'? Its a Great read and not at all as plushy as the title might suggest. Has some interesting research anecdotes on this topic
Empathy isn’t even a nice act. It’s not an act at all. It’s usually just the person talking to themselves about how nice they are without any responsibility.
It’s the virtue signalling of kindness.
