jasmine: who's there Jason Statham aladdin: names aladdin, sweetheart. thass a big fuckin dog you got Jasmine: it's a tiger
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Jafar: guards! seize him! Jason Statham VO: that was Jafar. grand vizier, plonker, and weirdo. I knew he was a real bastard, but as I was about to discover, he was also a cunt
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ray winstone the genie: the fuck you want Jason statham: nothin mate ray winstone genie: you rubbed the fuckin lamp ya twat Jason statham: i didn't rub the fuckin lamp! Genies are haram! ray winstone genie: *points with cig* don't. raise. ya fuckin voice. at me
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ray winstone genie: now who the fuck is this gentleman here russell brand: *weird whining voice* they calls me the monkey, bruv. on account of i got a monkey on me back eheheheheh ray winstone genie: don't fuckin speak to me son
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jasmine: i'm going to call the guards jason statham: don't bother love. i'm just here to rob the place russell brand: eh, eh. eh. aladdin jason statham: and if you got any pills, me monkey'll have those
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jason statham aladdin: is it really a crime to steal a loaf of bread for ya family? or some pills for ya monkey
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jason statham aladdin: make me a prince ray winstone genie: *sniggers asthmatically* i'm a genie mate not the fuckin most high
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Jason statham aladdin: riff raff, street rat? Piss off Fuck that
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Jason Statham aladdin: if only he'd come closer.... *headbutts* Didn't see that coming, didja prick
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my top choice for jasmine is aubrey plaza
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Sultan: the princess must marry! peter capaldi Jafar: you let me worry about that right. you get out there and do what you do best. eating sweets and fuckin playing with yourself
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peter capaldi jafar: get in that cave you waste of fuckin oxygen jason statham aladdin: you go in the fuckin cave peter capaldi jafar: ah i can't son. only one who can come out of that cave alive is someone who hasn't fucked your mum so i've had quite a fuckin search
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sultan: oh prince ali, this is my grand vizier, jafar! peter capaldi jafar: all right mate heard you had a lovely parade. and you got some beautiful fuckin teeth so that's good *leans in* cause if you touch the fuckin princess they're all anyones going to find of you, right
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jason statham aladdin: that's real funny mate. i heard you were a funny fucker peter capaldi jafar: don't try to tug me off son you haven't got enough hands
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ray winstone genie: three fuckin wishes. after that *shrugs* i'm a patient genie peter capaldi jafar: oh boo hoo your fucken boy missed out and i'm your fuckin boss now *to aladdin* should've wished for your fuckin balls to drop before you crossed me son
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jason statham aladdin: you can't have infinite wishes. you stupid twat peter capaldi jafar: genie i wish aladdin would drink a big cup of my fuckin BALL SWEAT
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ray winstone genie: stupid thing to wish for peter capaldi jafar: i've got two more wishes and my balls are fuckin dripping mate don't test me
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jasmine: i want to marry who i choose peter capaldi jafar: oh you puir thing, course you'll have CHOICES. you can CHOOSE for the groom to wear a classic ceremonial robe? or a fuckin TIGERSKIN TUXEDO
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jasmine: are you going to wish that i fall in love with you peter capaldi Jafar: are you fuckin serious? this is a political alliance you vacant fuckin beachside property of a woman. i've known you since you were two years old. you were a shit baby and now you're a shit princess
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peter capaldi jafar: KEEP THAT FAT ARSE IN THOSE HUGE PANTS OR I'LL CALL THE PALACE GUARD
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