John CheeseVerified account

@johncheese

Head of Columns, Sr. Editor at

Illinois
cracked.com/blog/author/Jo…
Joined April 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    18 Dec 2016

    Snapchat: jcheese81 I may or may not be using this for "John Dies at the End" related stuff in the future.

    3 replies 39 likes
  2. 3 hours ago

    I will suplex him but I would need to be paid 1 billion dollars.

    100% behind this. C'mon, Taz. Suplex John!
    1 reply 1 retweet 8 likes
  3. 3 hours ago

    You just wanna be that old man who yells, "In my day, we put up with bullshit and we liked it!"

    3 retweets 12 likes
  4. 3 hours ago

    I'd like to dub the new crop of humans the "Not Putting Up With Bullshit" generation. So please make that happen.

    1 reply 7 retweets 38 likes
  5. 3 hours ago

    So close to completing my collection.

    5 replies 12 likes
  6. 13 hours ago

    got a $50 parking ticket, have no hot water at my apartment, my man left me, my goldfish died and i still had a better day than u

    So I met at work today. How was your Tuesday?
    4 replies 1,237 retweets 3,293 likes
  7. 4 hours ago

    I just used the phrase "I'm packing dick-joke grenades as we speak" in a work email, while on vacation. Yeah, I have a pretty awesome job.

    3 replies 2 retweets 43 likes
  8. 4 hours ago

    I've had "Meet Virginia" stuck in my head for what feels like 2 years, but in reality has been closer to a day.

    7 replies 14 likes
  9. 4 hours ago

    Petition to replace Trump's hired clapping staffers with a non-partisan panel of Def Comedy Jam audience members

    3 replies 38 retweets 180 likes
  10. 5 hours ago

    Oh, Huffington Post, never stop being you.

    9 likes
  11. 5 hours ago

    Here's some wonderful irony for you. All the responses were, "It was a CNN reporter," so they had to delete the tweet for bad reporting.

    2 replies 8 retweets 28 likes
  12. 15 hours ago

    I don't give a fuck if I have to take horse tranquilizers; I am having a do-nothing, sloth day before this goddamn vacation ends.

    4 replies 2 retweets 46 likes
  13. 15 hours ago

    I have a meeting with the bank tomorrow about a possible home loan. No way I'll be up all night, thinking about that, instead of sleeping.

    13 replies 82 likes
  14. 20 hours ago

    Nope.

    3 replies 7 retweets 47 likes
  15. Jan 10

    I want to see a fistfight between Paul Simon and James Taylor.

    9 replies 1 retweet 24 likes
  16. Jan 10

    I just realized that without The Lonely Island, I'd have no idea who half of these modern pop singers are.

    2 replies 3 retweets 38 likes
  17. Jan 9

    Dog life lesson #137: Just because it's green doesn't mean it's grass.

    42 replies 1,391 retweets 2,461 likes
  18. Jan 9

    This tweet is a meme. It is now viral.

    This tweet is a meme. It is now viral.
    6 retweets 15 likes
  19. Jan 9

    This tweet is a meme. It is now viral.

    8 replies 45 retweets 103 likes
  20. Jan 9

    My fish are ramming into each other, and when one runs away from that, I always laugh because all it really has to do is brace for lips.

    5 replies 1 retweet 25 likes
  21. Jan 9

    This checks out

    This tweet is informational. You have been informed.
    2 retweets 30 likes

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