What the fuck are we hanging around for? It's just a slow death. We're dragging it out. A slow and tedious death. Trying to stretch it out. Trying to go a little bit longer. Just one more time. Just one more go round before the big sleep.
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I've been doing a little TM style meditation. It's a mechanical mind trick which periodically blocks out thought. When thought stops, there is a moment or two of ecstatic relief. It feels good. It's been helping.