I dont even own a TV. I was referring more to the not caring about the world. If the whole planet goes up in smoke, I really dont care.
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My bad. I donβt have my own TV either, aside from watching a little bit of TV with loved ones once in a blue moon, I havenβt watched TV since I was 18. I donβt care about the world either. Caring is emotional labour + mentally exhausting, not giving a fuck is proper self-care.
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You care. Youre very conscientious about your work and self improvement and being active. When I read your tweets sometimes I'm like I dont know how you can expend all your energy on that stuff. But you say youll get depressed if you don't. And I respect that
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I guess for me itβs a cope or itβs my perfectionism or internalised fears + I live in denial. That aside, I used to read a lot of geopolitical articles + listen to a tonne of informative podcasts + I havenβt done that in ages. I really have lost all interest in that.
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I know. You're a sharp cookie.
That's what I figured. Doing a lot of stuff is a distraction.
You do what you have to do to maintain. Everyone is different and has different needs.
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Iβm glad you understand. Often times I feel like burning this world down to see if I can finally feel something. When you realise life was imposed you, you feel a sense of weakness. Basic tasks feel like trying to take a piece of steak out of the mouth of a lion. It really sucks.
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I can hardly do anything. I managed to go to the store today and get some groceries. That was like a major accomplishment lol
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I understand that. Little things feel like big achievements when you have to force yourself to get things done. Life just burns you out, even when everything seems relatively okay.
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Once I got on the road, I was ok. I had this pentecostal serpent handler music on my CD player and I was like hootin and hollerin... lol... like I was insane... that music's really good... a kind of psychedelic rockabilly...
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My friend used to take me on road trips to random places in the countryside + he said this is how he kept his balance + sanity. We would photograph sunsets, listen to music + watch birds. Sometimes Iβd watch him fly fish. Being alone away from people in nature is very healing.
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Replying to
Basically, I like where I live. It's in a forest. There are people here and there. I wouldn't mind being even further out. But now is not the time to relocate.
If I had to live in a city right now, I would probably suicide by cop or something like that lol
Replying to
I may have to move to a bigger city to work if I cannot find a job in my city after I graduate. I hope I end up in a small town rural area where the cost of living is more affordable, but I canβt stand urban areas, so I feel you.
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