What is the self that you say you are inside of? Are you talking about the body? The body as the self? But who is aware of the body?
The body is extraneous to the self. It's out there; it's external. It's an object. The self is the subject.
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My "self" is just a way of speaking. I remember my first moments of life. What is non-verbal is my "self", a body with extraordinary awareness of what I'll never understand. My "self" is pure lostness. Think back to your very first moments of life...that is what you are.
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It seems like my life has been spent as if I were a watcher and not an actor. I still have no idea who this stranger is here typing this tweet. It's just a thing out there, the body, that connects me to this material realm. But it's not me. It's temporary.
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But you weren't born a watcher...
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That's all I remember: Watching. And, I was like "what the fuck?"
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"What the fuck?" implies that what you saw as you were watching was disturbing...but you can't do anything about it. I think you wrote somewhere that you can't judge your own life or even anyone else's life.
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What do your judgments say?
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It's like what Epictetus said, "You are a little soul carrying around a corpse."