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I would say you are conflcted. You have said on more than one occasion that you love your "dad to bits". Even tho he is the one who forced you into this meat prison & the source of all of your suffering, pain and anguish. That doesn't make sense to me.
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On one hand, you'd "take a bullet" for your family. On the other hand, they are "terrible people and unfit to be parents". Wow. Talk about one extreme to the other. That's gotta be nerve wracking.
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You got some weird family dynamics going on. It's no wonder you're conflicted. & you're young. You dont really start to uncover heavy, deep seated psychologicial issues until you get into ur 30s & 40s. In ur 20s, one's still trying to find their place in life