(3) "Because I don't want to be your son again in another life. Don't make me your son in another life! This present life is enough. I'm tired of it!"
Japan is traditionally Buddhist-oriented: metempsicosis (the idea of being born many times in after-lives) is prevalent.
Conversation
(4) My words must have devastated my dad. He must have been sobbing bitterly ever since then. I know how hard every single word or behavior of mine must affect him and my mother. That's why I haven't ever been able to do the tiniest thing or say the simplest thing to them.
1
(5) That's precisely why I have always been their puppet. I have been totally incapable of saying any of what I had to say to them. I was much too afraid to hurt them. All my life I have been an actor to please my parents, to make them happy, by any means necessary.
1
1
(6) Thus I have been killing my parents. Likewise, my parents have been killing me. We have been suffocating and swallowing each other just as if large snakes swallow each other alive. We must not have become parents and child in the first place.
1
1
(7) My parents and I have always been totally incompatible. I have been a total extraterrestrial to them. That's the precise word my own mother used to describe me. She said she hadn't known what on earth to do to raise me, she had no idea whatsoever how to raise me, because ...
1
1
(8) to her I was nothing but an extraterrestrial. Me too, I've always been feeling like an extraterrestrial not just to my parents but to the whole of society as well. The whole of the world has felt like a bunch of apes or hogs to me, squealing to utter meaningless words ...
1
1
(9) ... in this vast pigsty. I just don't belong here. I'm from the Andromeda. Yes, that's where I belong. I'm a total stranger here. Let me out already.
1
1
(10) So I have been blabbering all this time. I said earlier that I should go back to work. I shouldn't be writing all this now. I've got a lot of work to do. But work is so boring I can't help thinking of something else at work.
1
1
(11) And that's why when I should be busy at work I tend to write this and that here and there on the Internet.
1
1
(12) I'm probably far better off than most other antinatalists. When I read the life stories of @LonePandaRoams, , etc., I feel overwhelmed and I feel I don't even deserve to be complaining. I'm far better off. But still, even I wish I'd never been born.
1
1
Replying to
Thanks for sharing, my friend. There are all kinds of suffering & pain, some of it is rarefied & very subtle but just as penetrating as someone who has suffered many beatings & rejection. Sometimes, psychological suffering is worse than physical.