“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.”
― Emil M. Cioran
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Stay a little bit longer...
Perhaps you could re-read Sartre’s Nausea, and decide that even your death would be ‘in the way’.
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You've been propelled into existence by the force of nature. Like a planet in orbit, you must follow the trajectory given by destiny. Just accept it and let it be. When it is time for you to disintegrate, you will. Let nature take its course.
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Freewill is an illusion. No one's in control. Accept your fate. It's easier that way. Or, don't accept it, but that increases the suffering.
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If you are destined to suicide yourself, then, so be it. What we are is set in motion by forces of which we have no knowledge, triggered long before we were ever born.
I want you to not suicide because I resonate with your tweets. But I am selfish like that
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Nope. Not even Jesus had free will. That's what "Take up your cross & follow me" means. Whatever clusterfuck you're hurled into, just accept it. Let it be. You will return back to the peaceful nothingness from whence you came soon enough.