“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.”
― Emil M. Cioran
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Perhaps you could re-read Sartre’s Nausea, and decide that even your death would be ‘in the way’.
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You've been propelled into existence by the force of nature. Like a planet in orbit, you must follow the trajectory given by destiny. Just accept it and let it be. When it is time for you to disintegrate, you will. Let nature take its course.
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Freewill is an illusion. No one's in control. Accept your fate. It's easier that way. Or, don't accept it, but that increases the suffering.
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