Will Smith attacked Chris Rock and then helped us all heal by explaining how tough God’s plan for him is.
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Jim Norton
@JimNorton
THE DEGENERATES SEASON 2 now streaming on NETFLIX - TICKETS linktr.ee/JimNorton
John Wayne Gacy's basement.Joined January 2009
Jim Norton’s posts
The is garbage.
“The last thing anyone needed was for the smirking master of ceremonies to reprimand them for having hope..” didn’t “reprimand them for having hope” you stupid, biased ass. He mocked them for being self-important, phony woke and hypocritical
RIP Bob Saget. Everything I start to write about him just feels inadequate. He is universally loved. I am so grateful he was my friend.
. I was never brave enough to serve in the military. And neither were you. It's disgusting to ban a group of people who are.
Mike Tyson handled an unruly passenger on a plane the way every unruly passenger should be handled on a plane.
. served in Congress, did two tours of duty in the military and is the first female combat veteran to run for president. Typical Russian.
Just because you put the word “joke” in quotes doesn’t mean a comedian wasn’t joking. Jokes that upset you are not suddenly classified as serious statements just because they upset you. Why is a culture that lines up to watch a clown murder children so polarized over humor?
I will accept Will Smith slapping Chris Rock for a joke if the rest of us are allowed to slap actors for boring political speeches.
I hear is doing porn again. Say what you want about , but he gets people back to work.
We don't have to encourage every celebrity who gives a good speech to run for president.
Kris Jenner claims she never knew Bruce was 'uncomfortable' having sex with her, and thought he was kidding when he loudly booed her vagina.
Ted Bundy originally wanted to be either a politician or a lawyer. He ultimately rejected those professions and chose a more honorable path.
At this point, Will Smith being a cuck is the only thing I truly respect about him.
If Trump wants to avoid going to jail in NY, he should just hit a stranger over the head with a hammer. He’ll be out in 2 hours.
When you wash your hands, remember to sing Happy Birthday twice. Or once if you sing it like Marilyn Monroe.
RIP Robert Durst. Everything I start to write about him just feels inadequate. He is universally loved. I am so grateful he was my friend.
Watching all those celebrities sing Imagine got me really choked up. I hung myself.
The best part of being alive today is that jokes are automatically taken as definitive lines in the sand and ideological exclamation points. I really respect people who purposefully ignore humorous intent and context just to springboard themselves into boring rants and monologues
Daenerys never would have been able to do that with her dragon if a law abiding citizen with their own dragon was there to stop her.
How about you just do the right thing and worry about the cost after. You know, like the responders did on 9/11.
A billionaire diamond trader died during penis enlargement surgery. I think he missed the point of being a billionaire.
10 minutes ago, I was standing in my kitchen eating grapes. In an effort to be cute, I attempted to squeeze out a little gas. As fate would have it, I shit my pants. True story. Keep it between us.
Of course people can criticize jokes they don't like. What bothers me is their denial of how much they enjoy seeing someone ruined, how much they enjoy taking part in the public execution. They cloak themselves in compassion and altruism, then relish in cutting someone's throat. t.co/OTmxnSrcmK
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Hotel managers from all over the country will be going to Gilbert’s funeral with the hopes of getting their soaps and shampoos back.
RIP Gilbert, you were loved by every comic.
Instead of infringing on the the rights of gun owners, maybe the rest of us could just walk around wearing giant metal suits with bulletproof glass helmets.
The way people are reacting, you'd think Milo came out in support of Roman Polanski or something.
I'm glad I watched Mayweather / Pacquiao because it reminded me of how much I'd rather be watching the UFC.
If our national security can be compromised by documents from 1963, then our national security is shit.
If you’re a person who watches videos on an airplane without using headphones, you’re a cunt.
I was with a woman once who told me i had a donkey dick, but it was because of the smell.
Hey you can have either me or . You can’t have both. i’ll expect a decision tonight
Replying to
Thank you, , for your virtuous message about when it's appropriate to complement a woman's shape.
If you attempt to climb the Statue of Liberty and don’t make it past her feet, you suck at climbing the Statue of Liberty.
I’m glad someone finally pointed out that Eminem is white. It’s gone unnoticed for too long.
#ripnickcannon
Ohio lawmaker Candice Keller blames mass shootings on open borders, gay marriage, Obama, recreational marijuana, video games, hatred of veterans and 'drag queen advocates'. She simply hasn't been the same since her head came apart in Total Recall.
Going through old photos and I found this delightful photo I took of Patrice in Oct 2008. It’s sums up our friendship nicely.
Diddy has changed his name again and will now only be known as Love or Brother Love. I was worried it would be something stupid.
Personally, I don’t mind having a president who eats McDonald’s, avoids exercise and fucks porn stars. That’s been my dream since I was a kid.
I don’t know why everyone is talking about Batman when the real heroes are the moms and dads out there.
The on April 30, 1945:
Adolph Hitler, Opinionated Painter, Dies in Berlin Surrounded by Loved Ones
A tragedy occurs and we handle it by screaming at each other on Facebook and Twitter. We are truly a nation of asses.
For 10 years, has made me laugh harder than anyone alive. No one has silenced me, I just have no idea what happens next.
March 15, 2000. I don't remember what Patrice was saying here, but I doubt it was anything positive about my outfit. I can't believe he's been gone for 9 years already.
I refuse to weigh in on the Rittenhouse verdict until I see what Harry and Meghan have to say about it.
For anybody out there who thinks I’m a dick - I was on the plane and a woman walking back to economy smiled at me. Instead of having her thrown off the plane, I smiled back.
I wish people were this angry when Jack Daniels or Bud Light caused someone to plow their car into a family using a crosswalk.
RIP to the hilarious Mike Hagerty. I was blessed to do 13 episodes of Lucky Louie with him. A truly great comic actor.
At the doctor’s office and the desk has been moved. I smiled and proclaimed, “I don’t know how I feel about this new setup”. Silence. Not even a polite smile. A monumental bomb.
Right now Bill and Melania are 69ing behind the Craft service table.
Johnny Depp is accusing Amber Heard of shitting in their bed after an argument. There's nothing I love more than a woman who knows how to make up after a fight.
I saw a little girl crying today and I said, “Why are you crying?”
She said,“Becauth war broke out and I’m thcaird”
I said, “I’m scared too”, and we cried together.
Soon, many others cried with us. We cried until we healed.
Please RT so we can all begin to heal. Together.
#Me
So far I'd say Americans are handling the election results pretty well. I just wish someone would post a passionate, melodramatic statement.
Bad news is George Romero died. Good news is he probably won't stay dead for long.
I hope surgical masks will show people with bad breath what they‘ve been putting the rest of us through.
How annoying would it be if you were in a gang and this is the guy you had to take orders from?
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If you disrupt a play, or any live performance, because you dislike the message, you're a cunt.
I am keeping an eye on this Ukraine situation. I suspect Putin is somehow involved.
Kim Jong Un is reported to be in “grave danger” after surgery. Which means that somewhere in North Korea, a team of doctors is shitting themselves.
Every jacket you wear is a bomber jacket.
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Hey @JimNorton please stop wearing your bomber jacket. I was wearing mine last night and a drug dealer down the block from the cellar mistook me for you. It made me unhappy.
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TikTok is ruining my family.
RIP Alex Trebek. You were a daily reminder that I dropped out of high school.
Had a great time in Vegas talking fights with Matt Serra and President Trump on
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January 25, 1982. A little over 38 years ago, and I crossed paths for the first time. Sort of.
Just boarded my flight and watched a woman throw her winter coat into an empty overhead compartment and then close it. A display of narcissism so staggering is almost admirable.
Any word on the JFK files being released? I still think it was a suicide.
I used this as my 1st headshot, 1990. (Ignore the pit stains, pants and size 4 lady shoes.)
Happy 2018 everyone! 2017 will forever be remembered as they year Americans finally put down our political differences and came together.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about mask mandates and whether or not they should be lifted. Just my two cents.
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Everyone is attacking Jason Spencer. Let he who has never dropped his pants, screamed the N word and bitten the tip off a kielbasa penis cast the first stone.
The coronavirus has everyone rethinking our daily habits. I never realized how often I lick elevator buttons until I tried to quit.
Arresting for slapping a customer’s face with her breasts is like arresting an outfielder for tossing a foul ball into the stands.
I'm a "shitty racist" because I disagree the blinding narcissism of people who heckle when they disagree with a joke. Great point!
Or I could just use the First Amendment and talk about it.
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Replying to @JimNorton
If you're not proud of our country's Second Amendment move to another
I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people.
Everyone:
“We need to have an open and honest conversation”
Everyone 5 minutes later:
“FUCK YOU I’M RIGHT!!”
Everyone 5 minutes after that:
“How come no one listens to each other any more?”
Falcons have nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of teams have blown 25 point leads in the 2nd half of the Super Bowl
For someone being hypothetical, OJ sure says, "I remember..." a lot.
#DidOJConfess
A Saudi man was sentenced to death for insulting Muhammad on Twitter. I'm disappointed in Saudi Arabia, they're getting as bad as Berkeley.
Bill Maher used a racial slur in a joke. I'm glad people aren't overreacting like absolute assholes.
People - We want an open and honest conversation.
Mario Lopez - unpopular opinion
People - FIRE HIM!
I wish gave that 17-year-old Trump supporter the same benefit of the doubt they gave their own anchor when he threatened to throw a Trump supporter down the steps. is 100% right about the broken and ideologically biased media.
The NFL doing anti-domestic violence PSAs is like me doing anti-jerking off commercials.
#SuperBowl
#SB50
You look great man. Happy you’re back
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Great to be home! 7 months 14 days sober but one day at a time. Lots of new stories to tell. Will announce some new tour dates on Friday. Thanks for the support. Love you all.
