A joke about the first time I hooked up with my Palestinian wife .
Our whole special “Marriage of Convenience” is available for free on YouTube: m.youtube.com/watch?v=NI9Uko
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Jess Salomon
@jess_salomon
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Junk mail or as I call it "Hi Friend,"
This Wednesday, 11/16... comedians from The Tonight Show, Comedy Central, NPR's Wait, Wait! A star-studded lineup. Our last show before Thanksgiving. Come out!
eventbrite.com/e/we-have-fun- #free #comedy #NYC
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Every time I tell someone I can’t vote because I’m Canadian it feels like I’m lying to one of the Sukkot Hasids about not being Jewish.
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Also this is Bad Sisters on Apple TV and it’s so good.
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My dog is my Netflix’s are you still watching
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Imagine living in a Mars colony with this management style
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Perhaps this isn't a time for jokes, but I've always thought Chosen People had big gifted and talented kid energy and honestly I've met a lot of us and it tracks!
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just so were all clear, Musk is firing half of Twitter's staff, including huge swaths of their content moderation capability, four days before opening up identity-confirmation-free verification to the whole website which will happen...the day before a national election.
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You. QED Presents. This weekend.
FRI 11/4
qedastoria.com/products/qed-p
SAT 11/5 Eliot Thompson
qedastoria.com/products/qed-p
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SAT 11/19: Sandwich with and
NYC's most acclaimed, talented & tastiest comedians sandwich new material in the middle of their sets, featuring:
∙
∙Jared Waters
∙
∙
∙Michael Abber
🎟: bit.ly/3fpDuBz
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JUST ADDED: The hilarious joins this Thursday's edition of The Parlor at !
You'll also catch and more, so get your tickets ASAP:
caveat.nyc/events/the-par
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You. QED Presents. This weekend.
FRI 11/4
qedastoria.com/products/qed-p
SAT 11/5 Eliot Thompson
qedastoria.com/products/qed-p
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Put us in the MOMA
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I can’t
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I think non-Jewish actors can play Jewish characters I just don’t think Anthony Hopkins can. The way he says “Jews” is so threatening! And Anne Hathaway what?! It took me so long to understand this wasn’t a movie about an Irish-American family.
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“Sometimes, I feel like everybody is a sexy baby
And I’m a monster on the hill”
Taylor really capturing how I feel about comedy on Midnights who knew
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As women we are often brave but taught to play it down. Not anymore! Here I am slippery hands tweeting from my new phone in the bath. Not a grain of rice in the apartment.
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The lettuce after outlasting Liz Truss
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lesbians are now gay guys and gay guys are all straight people and straight people are lesbians
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My wife ordered a vodka with a splash of Diet Coke at a Russian place on Brighton Beach and the waitress said no. It was perfect.
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I’m in Paris and I ordered an oat milk latte and the waiter said no.
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They ALL ring!
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Staying at my mum’s and nearly went into cardiac arrest. Someone called and I forgot she has a landline in every room.
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Saturday October 15th! Catch vet plus recording artist , fave , Cleveland Comedy Fest vet and alum ! 8pm & 10:30, $17.50, info/tix: comedynest.com
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Montreal! I’m here! Apologies if you came out last night and didn’t see me, I tried to make but .. Air Canada 🙄
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Friday October 14th! Catch @FallonTonight vet @jess_salomon plus @justforlaughs recording artists @lully514 @orangebureau, Cleveland Comedy Fest alum @jacylafontaine, 2022 @WpgComFest artist @Wiweth, Youtuber @TheJohnnyRogers! 8pm & 10:30, $15/$10st, tix: comedynest.com
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My gorgeous and hilarious spouse is is TOMORROW (Friday) and SATURDAY (after tomorrow) for 4 shows!!!
Fri oct 14
Sat oct 15
(I’ll be E 4th st. Friday :30 )
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Ok yes take the weapons away from Saudi for Ukraine but like also because of what they/America is doing to YEMEN my god
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1/ I support halting arms sales to Saudi Arabia, but there are two practical, immediate changes the U.S. can make to Saudi policy that will have an near term impact on the war in Ukraine.
Here me out. This is important.
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*in the park yelling at my dog*
Me: Esther! Esther! Get back here!
The Brooklyn Chabad Jews: Are you Jewish?
Me: No
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Thursday October 13th! Catch vet plus recording artist , Cleveland Comedy Festival alum , , , & more! 8pm (to 9:30), $12/$6st, info/tix: comedynest.com
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This Thursday to Saturday (October 13-15) catch vet plus a greenroom full of great guests including & more! Info/tix comedynest.com
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Elon Musk should have gotten Nathan Fielder to help rehearse buying twitter
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I guess I'd describe my age as post Cold War pre peanut allergy.
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Here's the clip
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Tonight!!!!
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TONIGHT: Sandwich Comedy hosted by @GastorAlmonte & @jess_salomon!
Talented & tasty comedians sandwich new material in the middle of their sets, including:
@JayJurden
@natrotlait
@MarciaBelsky
@GlorelysMora
@AndreDThompson
9:30 Doors / 10PM Show
: bit.ly/3xWIEeq
: bit.ly/3xWIEeq
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10/8 at 10pm
&
form Sandwich Comedy!
Comedians sandwich new material in the middle of their sets, including:
& late add
🎟️:eventbrite.com/e/sandwich-wit
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MONTREAL!!!
Last minute coming home to headline The Comedy Nest. If you didn't see me at shul you have another chance!
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Tickets now on sale for @FallonTonight vet @jess_salomon at the Nest October 13-15, plus great guests! Info/tix: comedynest.com
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ok the algorithm finally really got me! (showed me Phish playing Avenu Malkenu)
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This Saturday 10/8, & are back with Sandwich Comedy!
Talented & tasty comedians sandwich new material in the middle of their sets, including:
🎟: bit.ly/3xWIEeq
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Also I very much enjoyed it
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Watching Bros like yes I am also this exact age. Too young to have died of aids and too old to be hot when gay people got their own movies.
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