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  1. Jul 12

    Can I please move my office into the nearest bank vault with the highest form of security so people would stop coming in to talk to me

  2. Retweeted
    Jun 11

    My producer just sent me this... ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! This makes every hard day worth it. Thank you to whomever wrote it!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  3. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    I wish we lived in a world where headlines like these were about things that are actually happening:

  4. Retweeted
    Jun 2

    Hey guys I'm doing a giveaway of this Wonder Woman sketch! RT to enter, I'll choose a random winner Monday. Ink and Gold foil.

  5. Retweeted
    May 18
  6. Retweeted
    May 10

    You thought he was dead? So did the president's enemies. MACKLIN 🇺🇸

  7. Retweeted
    May 1

    Hey guys... it's May.

  8. Retweeted
    Apr 24

    . I was doing ADR the other day and this didn't sync at all. Do you have any tips? Production is furious with me.

  9. Retweeted
    Mar 21

    She's like you. Very much like you...

  10. Retweeted
    Mar 13

    best part about The Bachelor is it gives single guys like me great ideas for romantic spots to take a woman and tell her I love someone else

  11. Retweeted
    Feb 13

    I think the thing I miss most from the Before Times is PARKS AND RECREATION.

  12. Feb 9

    My general reaction every time I see our president tweet about something not related to the presidency

  13. Retweeted
    Jan 12

    . breaks down as awards him Presidential Medal of Freedom with distinction

  14. Retweeted
    Jan 10

    Thank you for everything. My last ask is the same as my first. I'm asking you to believe—not in my ability to create change, but in yours.

  15. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    I got emotional reading this!

  16. Retweeted

    5,000 Arnold Schwarzenegger movies & not one damn person asks his character why he's got an Austrian accent? That'd be like my 1st question.

  17. 5 Dec 2016

    I've never seen my wife as mad as she is at the Iceland hockey team right now...

  18. 5 Dec 2016

    Do kids even know what a knuckle puck is? Or have an extreme dislike of Iceland hockey?

  19. 30 Nov 2016

    . please fix DMs when signed into multiple accts. Notif. when there's no message. Messages from one acct showing in the other.

  20. 29 Nov 2016

    Had a nightmare that I was included in an email chain where "reply all" was being abused... I woke up and it's real life...😩

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