Me: this seems like a bad idea.
Also me: yup. Now let's do this!
Me later: I should really stop listening to myself.
Also Me: hush you.
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My Cat is a Dick
@jbassset
It's ok to run the dishwasher twice.
He/Him
this are my fuckin pronouns. and I support EVERYONE who has their pronouns.
IdahoJoined September 2014
My Cat is a Dick’s Tweets
Why use the dog bed when you can steal two blankets?
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Seriously? There's not even a swear word in this!
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So the planted fake documents that he totally thought were declassified that were marked classified that they should’ve just asked for that they definitely asked for that he didn’t know he had but kept in the safe that weren’t important are just nuclear stuff? What’s the problem?
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Her: if you were a whiskey, what kind would you be?
Me: drunk. I'd be the drunk kind
Her: no, I mean like are you well or top shelf?
Me: I'm not drunk enough for this...
Her: where are you going
Me: to find a well to throw myself in. So I guess I'd be a well whiskey?
Penelope had to go meet the guys that are here to remove a tree....
It's very hard work being a dog.
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For those that are playing along at home: I was able to get my AC system patched up for $600.
There's no idea how long the patch will last. It may be a day, it may be 20 more years.
Either way, a new AC system is between $6,500 and $9,000. So here's to hoping a $600 patch holds
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Well, as if the tree having to be cut down wasn't enough, today AC went out at the house.
This month is turning out to be SUPER expensive.
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kevin sorbo is like if a dunk contest became self-aware and hated the pain of its own existence
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I fully intend to make better mistakes tomorrow.
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Sh s 14 weeks old. Look at that paw.
I am so fucked.
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This goddamn tree... another branch, another section of fence and more dage.tonthe neighbor's place (he's cool though, they're renovating it anyway.)
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Please read this thread.
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I don’t know if this has been made clear yet, so here we go:
The ‘groomer’ panic is intimately tied to explicitly neo-Nazi ideology.
Let me explain.
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When told that today is not actually Tuesday my literal response was "when the fuck did that happen"
My boss walked by and said "about midnight"
I don't know if I should face palm or laugh
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Friend: now why'd you swype left on her?!
Me: she said she only wants to date alpha males
Friend: so you don't think you're an alpha?
Me: no, I'm just not interested in dating morons.
Friend: that's fair...
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I realized that so many people here grew up in very different climates than I did.
This image? This is where I grew up. This was basically my back yard. I grew up here.
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Give me thumbs up and retweet if LGBT is welcome and safe on your account 🏳️🌈
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Shhhh is quiet time.
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Working from home today Soni can work with tree removers... Penelope approves.
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Surround yourself with people who always see the best in you because that’s the only way to insure a successful cult.
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Them: so can I count on your vote?
Me: not if you have an 'R' behind your name
Them: what? Why?
Me: I don't vote for "racism"
Then: that's not what the R means!!
Me: huh. So it's just a coincidence then? But still... No
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For those suffering in the heat, a good way to cool off is to hold a glass of ice water against your inner wrist.
The skin is thin and there's a LOT of blood flowing through there. The cold glass (compress, whatever) can really have an impact.
It also works for warming up too!
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Well... Fuck.
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"If you vote for racists, then you are a racist" is objectively true and not at all a controversial statement.
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Dear Mr or Mrs Grim Reaper,
While we do appreciate your dedication and your work ethic, we would like to call to light a recent error.
It seems that today you took a Trump. Unfortunately you took the wrong one.
You can keep her but please correct your mistake soonest.
Thanks!
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This guy is what, as a child of Gen X, we call a narc. twitter.com/AcornsJohnny/s
This Tweet is unavailable.
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Them: why do you swear so much
Me: because *waves at everything*
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the corner. The master deck (not just bedroom, a whole fuckin deck) looks into my back yard from 3 houses away.
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For the r cord, this house is lot line to lot line. It's basement not only has more square footage than most homes in the neighborhood, it has more CUBIC footage than my 1,200 square foot house.
Yes, my home would fit INSIDE the basement. This house is 3 down fromine and around
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Dear people moving to Idaho from California. We don't actually hate you.
But we hate that you do shit like THIS:
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Quick update: I think I broke my puppy. She hasn't moved in 3 Simpsons episodes...
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I took the dogs to my buddy's pear orchard for Friday beers. They're tired from running around smelling dear scat, eating treats and general frolicking...
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Them: so I have an idea.
Me: ok
Them: I'm not sure it's a good idea. It might even be a bad idea but...
Me: whatever. I'm in!
Them: I haven't told you what it is!
Me: you said it was a bad idea. I'm in! Let's go! What're we doing?!
Them: you're like a puppy aren't you?
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Wow... Yeah I got nothing. Fuck that guy.
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BREAKING: A Renowned trophy hunter has been shot dead and left on the side of the road in South Africa
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I think she's melting..
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The GOP has paid for FAR more abortions than they have adopted unwanted children.
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Sometimes the internet is amazing
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"How's Sheldon doing with the puppy?"
Well, he's her pillow now so I guess he's doing alright?
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