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Prikvačeni tweet
there are children being born whose PARENTS were not alive when Shrek (2001) came out.. Crazy how the years start coming and they simply do not stop coming
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how the fuck is it still january
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watching this without sound just looks like a dude having a rough night at open michttps://twitter.com/johnpemble/status/1224520318854799361 …
0:33Hvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi -
Hvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word Iowa not next to the word caucus
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no one: Jason Mraz: blapadoopagappaduay
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I’m starting a new political party it’s called No Girls Allowed we will meet in my tree house and read comic books and I will secretly still be in love with Abigail from homeroom and my disloyalty will ultimately be our demise
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i wanna be a doctor that delivers babies in las vegas and tell new parents "what happens in vegas stays in vegas!" so i have to keep their baby forever and when they laugh i keep a straight face until they get worried and then i say just kidding haha i don't want ur ugly baby
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if J-Lo can come with a cement truck and make me a piece of her driveway that would be fine
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hi hello i need shakira to hit me over the head with a shovel and then run me over with a tractor please and thank you
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god I just realized so many super bowl parties are gonna have corona and so many people will make coronavirus jokes my heart goes out to everyone involved
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me: Am i nice cuz I’m a good person or do i just want people to like me? Does it matter? Does anything matter? other guy in my therapists waiting room: Practicing ur lines? me: Yea, any thoughts him: Honestly? i think the fact ur asking that question shows ur a good person :)
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[pitching my great idea on shark tank] Me: so it’s a mirror bumper sticker— Lori: I’m in Mark: dude please be my friend Kevin: i think i have feelings for you Me: haha whoa guys slow down one at a time please I’m just one person haha
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inventing a bumper sticker that’s just a mirror so if your fucking brights are in my eyes they’ll be in your eyes too
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Hvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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good morning Alexa please play miley’s Party in the USA and lets get this fucking show on the road
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[same nurse, different baby] Nurse: did you decide on a name? Beyonce: yes, Sir Nurse: umm ok Beyonce: Nurse: do u wanna tell me what it is? Beyonce: no lol Sir is the name Nuse: oh haha! and what's the last name? Beyonce: the what?
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[another baby is born] Nurse: let me guess, “South” lol Kanye: what no Nurse: haha k what is it Kanye: Chicago Nurse: ah yes of course
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This is not me “judging” someone else’s parenting. He named his kid two different directions. Ok yes I’m judging
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I know I’m 6 years late on this but it hasn’t gotten any less ridiculous
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[baby is born] Nurse: did you decide on a name? Kanye West: yes, North Nurse: ok and the last name is? Kanye: West Nurse: *placing pen on clipboard* come on man
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