The most important thing I learned is that there really is no turning someone around or appealing to their better side. That is someone else's job. A family member, friend, or therapist. /2
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The only people I can help are the members if my community being abused. And they need me at the moment. There isn't any point in trying to be fair to the online bully. Stopping the harm is goal. /3
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Unless your community is connected to some official government entity, you are under no obligation to 'hear both sides' or protect free speech. Those thoughts are traps. /4
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Don't argue with the bully, don't try to walk through some inane set of rules and processes to seem fair to your community. That stalls things up and gives the bully more time to do more damage /5
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Instead come down hard, come down fast, and do so in the open light where the whole community can see what you are doing. If it weren't a ban, say so right there in the chat or comments what you are doing and why. /6
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Most importantly make it obvious what is and isn't allowed, that your community realizes what is abusive and over the line and will not stand for it. /8
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So people will know that they are welcome there, that you do care about marginalized voices, that you won't turn a blind eye to abuse just because it is convenient or confrontation is uncomfortable. /9
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And also... don't make a huge deal of it when you do it. Delete, mute, ban, move on. Make it obvious that their impact on your life and their memory in your head is fleeting and insignificant. That their little disruption won't matter... /10
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... that you and the community won't even remember their name tomorrow. Cause that hurts them most of all. And when it is obvious that those tactics for attention or chaos won't work? They move one. Other bullies don't bother. /11
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In one community I had tens of thousands of users. Less than 10 bans was all it took to turn it from a hostile mine field of negativity to a welcoming vibrant creative group. /12
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You get the community you are willing to make. Don't let the bullies hold your group hostage. They aren't worth it and you owe them nothing. /Thread
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End of conversation
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