jason flowǝrsVerified account

@jasonflowerz

i work at funny or die and have the world's best taste in music

Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Apr 7

    This might be just the thing our society needs right now.

    36 retweets 156 likes
  2. 13 hours ago

    "Whoever gets closest without going over wins" is the rule on both Price is Right and cliffs.

    4 likes
  3. 14 hours ago

    I'd believe you if you told me DVD was short for Danny DeVito.

  4. 14 hours ago
    Replying to

    This isn't true. It's a made-up tweet. A goof, if you will.

    4 likes
  5. 14 hours ago

    BREAKING: James Comey just announced that he plans to wear a male romper during tomorrow's testimony.

    2 replies 7 likes
  6. 14 hours ago

    TREBEK: Please phrase your answer in the form of a question. ME: Is it true you can milk anything with nipples ... like from that movie?

    1 reply 2 likes
  7. Jun 6

    Life is what happens when you're busy waiting for the McRib to come back.

    1 like
  8. Jun 6

    You know that Berenstain/Berenstein Bears conspiracy? That, but with the TV show F*R*I*A*N*D*S.

    1 reply 7 likes
  9. Jun 6

    37 Things That Make You Realize "Well Shit, That's Not Enough Things" So Here's 17 More For A Total 54 Things

    3 retweets 13 likes
  10. Jun 6

    In case you forgot it was 2017, two of today's top stories feature human beings named Reality Winner and War Machine.

    7 likes
  11. Jun 6

    Crazy to think that Wilson from Home Improvement would never have been a character if that fence had been built just a little bit higher.

    10 likes
  12. Jun 5

    Please, Mr. Fieri was my father's name. Call me Donkey Sauce.

    1 retweet 6 likes
  13. Jun 5

    A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? A million dollars smoking cigarettes.

    2 replies 33 retweets 102 likes
  14. Jun 5

    Hey Blue Man Group, I think the term you're looking for is 'Blue Men.'

    1 reply 35 retweets 171 likes
  15. Jun 5

    A Frasier reboot, but the entire series is shot using a drone outside his balcony.

    9 likes
  16. Jun 5

    If time travel existed, I'd go back and help Mozart write 'What Would You Do?' by City High.

    3 likes
  17. Jun 5

    Peyton Manning has turned out to be such a piece of shit that I'm beginning to think this SNL sketch might not have been a joke.

    1 like
  18. Jun 2

    I frickin' love cursing.

    3 replies 13 likes
  19. Jun 2

    If anteaters had their druthers they'd be called Cheesy Gordita Crunch-eaters.

    1 reply 3 likes
  20. May 19

    The Cavs should be president.

    4 likes
  21. May 18

    Sorry we had to let you go, Kev.

    Stopped by for inspiration and ended up making everyone upset also thanks . Details here:
    6 likes

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