The whole debate is founded on the axiom that hard work is some terrible price that you pay, and the question is framed as whether the price is worth it.
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And then the moralizing begins—either you lack the dedication and commitment to pay the price, or you are pushing an unhealthy lifestyle that will end in ruin and tears. What if they're both wrong?
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For me, the happiest times in my career have been when I was *obsessed* with some idea or goal. When I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I wanted to work on it all the time. When no hobby or side project seemed to matter.
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I didn't feel that way because of some external pressure. I wasn't doing it to conform to someone else's standards. I just really, really cared. I felt this way for *some* portion of the time that I worked at each of the three startups where I was co-founder or early employee.
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I didn't sacrifice my health to it (physical or mental), or my relationships with close friends and loved ones. I did give up a lot of leisure, recreation, hobbies, relaxing, and general “hanging out”.
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But it didn't even feel like I was giving those things up. I wasn't even tempted. I didn't sit in the office late at night and think “gee, I wish I could be at home watching TV right now, but I have to work instead to have a successful career!”
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Working was what I *wanted* to be doing. It was *way* more interesting, engaging, motivating and fulfilling than any relaxation could be. (This is true even though none of those three startups worked out or had much success.)
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I don't feel this way all the time. I haven't felt it when in a work environment where it wasn't easy to get things done. Or when I stopped believing in the mission, or lost confidence in management.
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But I care enough about that feeling that when it seems too distant, that's a signal that it's time for me to move on. And when I *do* feel that way, I know I'm doing the work that is right for me.
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I don't think everyone needs to feel this way about their work. I don't even think everyone can. But I want everyone to know that this sort of feeling is *possible*.
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In my philosophy, all that matters in life is: what you want, and how you're going to achieve it. Not anyone's arbitrary expectations—society's, your parents', your peers', or even your own.
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In the end, the only output metric that matters is your own happiness. So: decide what you want out of life and career, and go after that.
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But know that you *can* love your work. You can love it with an all-consuming passion. Just like loving a person, that feeling can be extremely intense, in good ways and bad. But it can also be the most rewarding experience of your life.
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