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If a new router doesn't solve the issue and the latency spikes are because the NAT table in the router gets overwhelmed by too many connections from different IPs, what I may have to do is use an external server as a web server and then route all requests to the router here (so
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it is the same IP each time -- I can forward the source IP via a proxy header). We're getting around 5k to 10k requests per second and they come from thousands of different IPs -- so my running theory is that the router's NAT table overflows and it has to internally reset
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I think you're probably right, this sounds like the NAT table filling up. I've dealt with this problem before exactly as you described; frontend webserver proxies all the requests. (In my case it also goes across a VPN to the backend)