Jason Andors

@JasonAndors

Jason Andors is one of the rare stand-up comedians who was born and raised in New York City. And even more rare, he received a standing ovation at The Apollo.

New York City
jasonandors.com
Joined March 2011
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  1. Jun 6

    A lady just said to me "ur so lucky you don't have to work a 9 to 5". Please, I've been working 9 to 5 hours a week since I started comedy!

    1 like
  2. May 26

    May 26th was the first time I every did stand-up comedy. The year? None of your fucking business!

    1 like
  3. May 21

    There are a lot of pretty women in the crowd at a tennis match. A female softball game? Not many.

  4. May 11

    My luck has been so bad lately that I just walked down a block full of pigeons and was hoping one would shit on me.

  5. Mar 17

    I was talking to a pretty woman last night who seemed so innocent until she told me that she thought getting to 1st base was oral sex.

  6. Mar 11

    I'm so negative that I feel like the only way to hear positive news is to take an HIV test.

  7. Feb 28

    Steve Harvey should announce best actor and have Chris Rock drag him off like the sandman on the Apollo.

  8. Feb 28

    Whoopi Goldberg has a tattoo of a dragon and a body of a drag queen.

  9. Feb 1

    I bought an umbrella & had them give me a plastic bag for it. It's about to rain & I spent $40 for it. I'm not about to risk getting it wet!

  10. Jan 28

    Tonight see Bob Dibuono's Character Flawed w. & get tix @
  11. Jan 23

    I prepared for this storm like I was about to go to the movies. I bought a ton of food and ate it all before it started.

    1 like
  12. Jan 11

    I'm so excited!!!! The cruise I'm on has the big game on so everyone catch watch it!!!! By the way, who's playing?

    1 like
  13. Jan 10

    Kid came up to me after show & said "u were my favorite comedian!". Then ran off & mom said "u made him so happy. It was his1st comedy show.

    1 like
  14. Jan 4

    Global warming is such a tease.

  15. 13 Dec 2015

    Actual dream I just had: At a funeral (no idea who died) and a lady grabbed the casket and started twerking. That's it.

  16. 18 Nov 2015

    Just called a comic John Moses & he says "yo thanks 4 waking me up". I said "sorry" & he responded "no seriously, thanks bro I was driving".

  17. 15 Nov 2015

    Hot woman says 2 her friend how nuts her diary is & all the crazy things in it. I get turned on until her friend says "try Pepto Bismol".

    1 like
  18. 31 Oct 2015

    Not Doing a show tonight because last Halloween a guy dressed as a ghost was in the back row going "booooooooooo"

  19. 30 Oct 2015

    New episode of with now up: .

    2 retweets 10 likes
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