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@JamesFolta

// writer , , neu jorker, paul ryan magazine, &c. // editor // co-creator fest // hangin’ tuff //

NYC
jamesfolta.com
Joined January 2013
1,204 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    23 Mar 2018

    “What am I gonna do tonight,” you think. “Sign up for , , and my newsletter!” I shout, smashing through your window. “Jesus, who are you?!” you shriek, leaping away, “is there an archive section?” “James! There’s an archive!”

    2 replies 1 retweet 29 likes
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  2. 11 hours ago

    Imagining the Sam Sifton newsletter plug for this recipe: “The idea of turning on the stove has me already sweating through my shirt so I grab some bloodsicles from the freezer, and sautée some brocellini for a quick weekday feed. Tomorrow maybe scallops. Or leftover iced blood”

    Zoo lions beating the heat wave with frozen blood, known as bloodsicles
    5 likes
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  3. 12 hours ago

    I think, in addition to everything else, my bones are sweating

    6 likes
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  4. 14 hours ago

    Elon Musk's trying to put chips in my brain? Brother, I've already got chips on the brain with all the delicious flavors Pringles has on the market these days

    1 reply 1 retweet 17 likes
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  5. 17 hours ago

    Once again the apps are offering me terrible advice

    9 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    20 hours ago

    An Evening of Humorous Readings, hosted by me, & , with special guests: & comes to on 7/23. It's gonna be a barn burner. BARNS WILL BURN.

    1 reply 7 retweets 18 likes
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  7. Jul 16

    Twitter really wants me to follow Seth Green... and I will, when I'm ready... give me time... please, Twitter...

    1 reply 21 likes
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  8. Jul 16

    Something I find strange is that no one I know has been hit by a skateboard, but so many people I know have been hit on by a skateboarder

    2 replies 3 retweets 19 likes
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  9. Jul 15

    If I see handheld, shakey camera on The Bachelorette, I know mild heteronormative drama is right around the bend!

    1 reply 10 likes
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  10. Jul 15

    I’m getting a haircut Friday — let me know if you need a lock of my hair, but I will need to know what you’re intending to use it for

    1 reply 15 likes
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  11. Jul 15

    This week I won’t let Jeff Bezos’ goons break into my home and make me piss into a Prime Vial™ to “improve my user experience”

    8 likes
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  12. Jul 13

    Car + horn = corn “Wow what a loud corn on that Mazda” Let’s get this trending folks!

    1 reply 11 likes
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  13. Jul 12

    “One million dollars... for a night with your grill... no questions asked...”

    7 likes
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  14. Jul 10

    Entering a contest means I may win a free trip to Iceland, but in many ways I am already a winner for getting to enjoy these comments

    2 replies 16 likes
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  15. Jul 9

    Ugh... hate running into an ex...

    1 reply 1 retweet 27 likes
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  16. Jul 9

    If you believe you’ve been hacked, shoot up a flare so the authorities can locate you and your computer

    6 likes
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  17. Jul 9

    Meaty summer content all around us these days

    1 reply 9 likes
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  18. Jul 8

    If you look at your group of friends and can't identify which of them is the Stuber, I have some bad news for you...

    1 reply 1 retweet 11 likes
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  19. Jul 8

    The next Evening of Humorous Readings is coming up on JULY 23, at ! Featuring , , and , with your hosts , , and I! Get your tickets here:

    4 retweets 13 likes
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  20. Jul 8

    Avocados are more expensive than other produce because I have to give each one a little smooch before it goes to market

    1 reply 44 likes
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  21. Jul 6

    Only thing I want bursting out of a cake is a pie so there’s a good dessert to eat

    5 replies 3 retweets 42 likes
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