Not James C. Gunter

What's the main messge you want to get across to users? "I don't know. Just give me the normal generic-type home page." We're done here.

"Wow, even an 8-ball of cocaine can't make this marekting plan look any better."

How much is too much Burbon to drink at work? ...asking for a friend.

After 10 rounds of edits: "You know, let's just go back to the original." http://s.mlkshk.com/r/V4HJ.gif 

SEO isn't dead. It just requires an entirely new set of skills that you don't have.

"Marketing Strategy" sounds hard. Can we just buy some Google ads?

"Attached are 3 style guides from 3 different departments. There should be enough in there for you to write good copy with."

Am I the only one who thinks "Brandopolis" by @distilled is uncompelling, pedestiran content dressed up in a pretty package?

You have to justify every single creative decision you make. Your managers do not. Remember, they've earned the right to be idiots.

Pro tip: Use condesending language when talking to customers. It makes your brand look real smart. They'll respect you for it.

Use "SEO" when you want to talk about a shitty marketing strategy but are afraid to say "shitty" out loud.

"Move fast and break things." Except when you actually break something. At which point you should have gotten approval before moving forward

Old Chinese proverb: "Creative Director who say 'make button bigger and red' very astute."

Hello. Yes I market good.