Jay Arnold  🏳️‍🌈

She doesn’t know whether to work or watch a move (please God) or relax. She’s so happy in HR. She loves it. It’s not a job people would think you can be so successful at. Her husband is watching the kids, she can’t afford a nanny (she’s in first class) but again, she’s so happy.

She has a little fire pit. It’s so cute. She’s so happy. She’s really pleased with her meal choice, it looks good. She needs more dressing though and they don’t have extra. She was thinking of bringing some with her (what?) but it was bigger than 3 oz. She’s talking while eating.

It’s so funny at work, they can’t fly first but she uses the miles she gets from flying for work, so it’s really like she’s not paying. She loves the multigrain bread. She doesn’t usually but it’s so good on the plane (wtf). Something, something she’ll never eat apple pie again.

She’s worried they won’t have a firm pillow but she’s going to have wine so she’ll sleep. She loves DVF but only the old stuff. She lost her wedding ring but found it (10 min story) but and now she has to constantly get her nails done. She doesn’t like dark polish. She’s happy.

She looked at some place in LA but it was 500 or 600k (where???) but she can’t afford it. If she could she would get something bigger. Random hiring laws in LA. (Hasn’t asked one question of seat mate). Sad she’s drinking alone. She bought a water because she likes a sport cap.

Tells flight attendant she’s very relaxed. His name is Chad. She needs more ice, doesn’t like the Sierra Mist diet. Can’t believe there’s not another caffeine free diet option. She’s very friendly with airport staff (unrelated to anything). Is there dessert? Hopes it’s a cookie.

Her neighbor is not very neighborly, (maybe they hate her) she doesn’t like children. My husband my husband my husband. He’s nice to them, makes her mad. Her neighbor is Heather and she told her girls to stay away. She came to the door in something sheer it was disturbing.

She’s tried so many times. So “oh my Lord” a lot. She’s done trying. What’s wrong with people. Some something happy hour (she likes to drink) and sometimes they have a manager’s reception with free wine. Also neighbor hasn’t taken down her tree. She’s so happy though.

Sadly, dessert is not a cookie. She doesn’t like ice cream (evil) and how could they other option be a cheese plate? That’s not dessert. She knows it’s weird she doesn’t like it but something about the texture and it’s so cold (it’s ICE cream) mad she didn’t bring cookies. Help.

OMG she’s a horrible public speaker (who would listen) and they keep asking but they can’t fire her for not doing it. Switch to family, they’re all girls, she’s the youngest child (neglected). Asks first question. Do they have siblings. No. It’s good to be an only child then.

She’s going to try contacts. Who tries contacts at 40? But she just got these new glasses and loves a tortoise, seat mate does too. Oh I love them. They’re very Jackie O (no, they’re not). Loves her ophthalmologist but thinks he might be gay (maybe I know him). He’s got flair

She just discovered Maggiano’s. Changes to weather. Can’t live in a hot climate. My dad my dad. Something about cancelling a trip and dad’s a nervous wreck (who would believe) but mom always says just don’t pay attention to him. Long mom story. Says Whoa a lot in first person.

Finally goes to pee. Silence. I might say something to seat mate.

She took a long time to pee. She’s giggling at herself a lot. Something five years ago, her older sisters are checked out (maybe they just don’t answer the phone for her) they’re jealous, my husband my husband. She didn’t like “Maleficent”, she’s over Anjolina. Didn’t make sense.

Movie talk (word salad). She likes stone crabs but they’re very expensive so she doesn’t let the kids order them (but apparently eats them in front of them) she can always tell when they’re frozen (they’re all frozen at some point) and hates when she cuts herself eating them.

WIN! Seat mate says she might close her eyes... she can’t sleep on the plane. Momentary silence. Let us pray.

Seat mate asks Chad for blanket. There’s hope.

Asks seat mate if she wants a travel pillow. No. (Not even thank you I think she’s had it). Might get a break. Now she’s fuking humming.

Seat mate turns away u set blanket. It’s official. Ten minutes of silence. Pray this is the last tweet. Hours left. Hopeful.

CRAP. Chad asks if he can take the glasses. Seat mate moans yes. I think she’s fake sleeping. Asks if she’s okay. Yes (no thank you) Not biting. Continue to pray.

A turn for the worse. Seat mate can’t sleep. They are pondering a movie. I think looking at the selection together. Oh no. Malificent. She can’t watch it again. How about The Report. (How about you jump). I thought hopeful. Not sounding as if they like anything. Continue to pray.

Nope. They don’t like anything. Quiet murmur. Omg. Let’s have one more (it’s 2:20). Seat mate folds. This is not looking good. Literally says “girl, you in?” Why not. This is not good. Also, her lips are very dry. She forgot lip balm. Won’t borrow (who lends a stranger lip balm)

Okay. They literally clinked glasses and said cheers. She’s so happy she can talk again. Giggling. She loves Joan Rivers. Says “Joan, I love your book” (as if she’s here, she’s not). Switched to Jackie Collins. Loves her. List of books read. Kill me.

Now talking in a high pitched drunk voice. Says get out of her ten times. (I wish she would). Random bragging. Has a dream house. Decor is contemporary (she means Formica I’m sure) and has the cutest mailbox with a bird. What? They discuss bird breeds in her yard.

Bragging about her ring again. They presented it like it was a twelve carat rock. It’s *like* a Harry Winston setting (will advise) and it cost more than he wanted to spend but she’s a working woman so why not add to it and get what she wanted. Seat mate says pretty in deadpan.

Mumbling. Screams I love it three times in a row. Whispering. I think they’re on to me.

She finally got her nose, she’s very, very excited. Where are we at she says omg. Surgery talk. Massive drunk giggling. I might beg for a seat in coach. Can’t find her water. Panic. (It’s a plane.) Seat mate says we might be drunk. So what if we are in crazy high pitch. SOS.

Look back to confirm NOT like Harry Winston anything. Joan would be demoralized.

Her friend is a police officer (ruh roh). Took her to a shooting range. It was so great (sounding very mahgha). She totally killed the target. It was like “swiist”cheese. She hates cheese. Cheese talk. Hates goat cheese most of all, tastes sour. Moment of silence. Talked out?