Hi this possum was living in my children's bedroom for 3 days before we believed them.
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jorf
@itsjustcaitlin
I'm feeling skinny, Tony.
OhioJoined February 2009
jorf’s Tweets
I'd love to be a , but unfortunately I'm an
If you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.
#poop #FakeHandwasher
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‘All Are Welcome Here,’ Says Sign in Neighborhood Where Average Home Costs $2 Million: ow.ly/hqCp50J6PQB
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"Jacked up on Android."
- in the gym, wearing jeans and candy lipstick, attempting to squat the bar to work out his chicken legs
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When I grow up, I'm running for president with the sole mission of getting Mashed Potatoes Guy banned from #pgatour events.
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Good news... You can reuse your Tiger King costumes if you want to dress up as Kim Mulkey for Halloween this year.
#NCAATournament #NCAAWBB #LSU
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I don't know how I feel about after seeing 's troll foot.
Didn't stop me from eating a number 17 today, but still.
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., fashion icon, sitting 3 chairs away from , who is wearing the same pants for the 5th day in a row.
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If KC wins, we're getting this moment after the game.
#AFCChampionshipGame #BengalsvsChiefs #tonyromo
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Shoutout to everyone who said they would start eating healthy in the new year and already decided to wait until Monday.
The hair on my head, apparently, seeing the wrapping paper and tape come out before Christmas.
I guess I have to like Tony Romo now.
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
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MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! My official Myrna Tellingheusen Digital Trading Card collection is here! These limited edition cards feature amazing ART of my life & career as executive secretary to Stanley Bogenshoots at Hughes Aircraft! Only $99 each! Would make a Christmas gift.
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Die Hard is an infrastructure movie.
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"Get rid of him. I'd rather have James Franklin."
-, after drinking a beer or two, on Ryan Day
#OSUvsMICH #PennState
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Can't believe #elizabethholmes missed an opportunity to say she was sorry with every drop of blood in her body.
#theranos
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Ordering for same-day delivery.
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Boxes don’t stand a chance against my Prime 
Pulverizers! (Before you stomp a hole in your floors, these aren’t actually for sale.)
Pulverizers! (Before you stomp a hole in your floors, these aren’t actually for sale.)
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Happy Birthday!
-Frosty
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Bartise: *takes a deep dive into his past and reveals a super emotional moment*
Raven:
#LoveIsBlind3
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Time for my annual complaint:
These people on NFL pregame shows... JUST STAND STILL.
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On the way to Camp Hope in 1995, declared he was The Man. Can't wait to watch him host the #Emmys
#heavyweights #lifetimeachievement
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On the second episode, says "If a customer pays X to get Y"... I wish Michael had been asked about his that he charged people for, canceled at the last second, and kept the money. #michaelweist #tanacon
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Thought for a second they were showing Brian Kelly on the sidelines.
Then I remembered he's off doing something else instead.
#NotreDame
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Me trying to hear Chris and Kirk over the band and other stadium noises. #NDvsOSU
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