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  1. Pinned Tweet
    24 Jun 2018

    don't be fooled by the familiar avatar: is a new account. the old one is dead and buried and is gone forever and you'll need to follow me here in order to stay up to date with all my tweety goodness. [please retweet, thanks!]

    Undo
  2. Retweeted
    14 hours ago

    dance like no one is watching love like you'll never be hurt impeach the motherfucker

    Undo
  3. 14 hours ago

    dance like no one is watching love like you'll never be hurt impeach the motherfucker

    Undo
  4. 16 hours ago

    find someone who looks at you the way Mike Pence looks at Trump

    Undo
  5. 19 hours ago

    one side dances out of sheer joy and cusses like a sailor and the other side kidnaps children into concentration camps so you can plainly see that the problem really is both sides

    Undo
  6. 20 hours ago

    oh I'm sorry, did Rashida Tlaib hurt your feelings?

    Undo
  7. 21 hours ago

    dance like every conservative is whining

    Undo
  8. 22 hours ago

    I hope Trump can get in some golf this weekend. he deserves a break after a hard week spent misunderstanding how tariffs work, misunderstanding how immigration works, and misunderstanding how not being a raging toxic shithead asshole works

    Undo
  9. Jan 3

    imagine having such misplaced priorities that your greatest worry is that Ann Coulter will be mad at you

    Undo
  10. Jan 3

    as the stock market craters and the economy teeters on the edge of recession, remember that United States President Donald Trump has only three tools in his chest: to deny it's happening, to blame someone else, and to rage impotently at his television. have a super-blessed day

    Undo
  11. Jan 3

    the president of the united states is a malignant old feeb who tweets out racist memes and is so toxic that his own green-card trophy wife recoils at his touch, but yes please let's as a country tie ourselves into knots over whether or not Elizabeth Warren is likeable

    Undo
  12. Jan 3

    today, private citizen Paul Ryan is free to rake in millions as a lobbyist, but in my vision of a just and perfect world this venal sociopath shitfuck would be stripped of all his money and be forced to spend the rest of his life trying to survive on the social programs he gutted

    Undo
  13. Jan 3

    Hey friends & followers, can I ask a favor? We're doing some necessary fundraising over at Smirking Chimp, the politics web site I publish. We depend entirely on the good folks who donate. Can you spare $5 or $1 to help? Click below & thanks!

    Undo
  14. Jan 2

    no, Mexico isn't paying for the wall, certainly not through a trade deal that hasn't be ratified and won't take effect for years and Trump is either a fucking liar or a fucking moron for saying that Mexico is -- or, hear me out -- maybe Trump is a fucking liar AND a fucking moron

    Undo
  15. Jan 2

    hey maybe if Elizabeth Warren didn't want to be judged as "unlikable" by our misogynist punditocracy, she should have had the foresight to be born a man. I mean what was she thinking? how unlikable of her

    Undo
  16. Jan 2

    Mitt Romney, owner of a dancing horse, is an out-of-touch, unfeeling vulture-capitalist plutocrat who strapped a dog to the roof of his car and thinks that 47% of Americans are moochers, and only a vile, barrel-bottom skunk like Trump can make him seem statesmanlike by comparison

    Undo
  17. Jan 2

    we could save a shitload of money by building the wall out of unsold Trump Steaks, unsold bottles of Trump Water, diplomas from Trump University, bricks from Trump's five bankrupt casinos and all those stacks of blank paper he's always posing in front of and pretending to sign

    Undo
  18. Jan 1

    seriously, someone who loves and cares for Trump should really sit him down and get him the professional help he nee— wait a minute, what am I saying? nobody loves or cares for Trump, not even his green-card trophy wife or defective children. hashtag sad

    Undo
  19. Jan 1

    Trump is about six or seven malfunctioning synapses away from tweeting HA HA FUK U HATERS

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  20. Dec 31

    is it possible to invoke the 25th Amendment on New Year's Eve? asking for 65 million tired-of-this-insane-fucking-shit friends

    Undo
  21. 31 Dec 2018

    the president of the united states, abandoned by friends and family, wanders lost and alone in the White House residence, in over his head and trying to convince himself and the world that he has any idea what he's doing while live-tweeting his own descent into insanity. fuck him

    Undo

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