i believe i just did something no one has ever done before: i wrote a constant-time galois field implementation on a 6502 chipset, which not only does not have a constant-time hardware multiply instruction, but does not have a multiply instruction at all
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this amusingly means that i will hold the title for implementing both the fastest and slowest elliptic curve related cryptographic implementations in the world

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The "Bitcoin mining on the Apollo 11 guidance computer" guy *might* have you beat? http://www.righto.com/2019/07/bitcoin-mining-on-apollo-guidance.html …
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'slowest crypto in the world' is almost certainly one of those Fully Homomorphic Encryption systems.
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