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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    20. sij

    ⚡️I updated this moment for modern times

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    OPRAH: You win the Iowa Caucus! And you win the Iowa Caucus! And you win the Iowa Caucus! And you win the Iowa Caucus!

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  3. prije 14 sati

    Everyone on Twitter claiming they won the Iowa caucus like the climax of some sort of perverted Spartacus

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 17 sati

    Still the best advice I’ve ever received

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  5. 3. velj

    Also nobody ever has these conversations about Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren or Marisa Tomei it’s like hmmmmm I wonder what’s different about them & why they get so much praise for aging well

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    If the Baby Nut does not give up his stolen wealth I will drag him to the gallows myself.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    A vampire who enthralls her victims to expose their necks so she can make farty noise raspberries there.

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  8. 3. velj

    “There’s incontrovertible evidence supporting the existence of Bigfoot!” Hollers a man who believes the clitoral orgasm is a myth. Bro you’re searching in the bushes for the wrong thing

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  9. 3. velj

    Tonight at my comedy show one of the performers mis-spoke and told everyone “RIP Kobe O’Bryant” and someone yelled “you mean Conan O’Brian” bitch that one is alive I-

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    The best thing about woke culture is how easily everyone is dazzled by manipulative creeps who know the buzzwords; like moths to the flame of a turd-man who whispers “my cishet white male priviledgeeee” into the night

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  11. 2. velj

    This might be a meme but also it is HIGHLY accurate

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    "take us to your leader" is just the alien version of "i'd like to speak to your manager"

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  13. 2. velj
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  14. 2. velj

    If you are in Toronto tonight and feel like going to a Fashion Comedy Show with a very special Valentine’s The Bachelor twist, come by Comedy Bar at 8PM!!!

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  15. 2. velj

    I am trying my best to respond to all of you because I invited you to this party and am a gracious host but there are so many so if I miss you please know that I’m glad you came and I love you just the same and I hope you got some goodies at the snack table

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I was working at a SANDWHICH shop here in Austin and a dude came in and very confidently ordered some spaghetti...

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  17. 1. velj

    Yes my father is Burmese and his name is actually Aung. Dad? Is this you???

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  18. 1. velj

    The best thing about woke culture is how easily everyone is dazzled by manipulative creeps who know the buzzwords; like moths to the flame of a turd-man who whispers “my cishet white male priviledgeeee” into the night

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    When serving at Texas Roadhouse this guy made me bring him a whole raw onion so he could eat it like an apple

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj
    Odgovor korisniku/ci

    I worked in the Science Library at UC Santa Cruz. A patron refused to sign out her books (this was loooonnng ago) because she "couldn't touch paper," a "medical condition." I pointed out that the books would present a similar problem and she told me off for being "an idiot"

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  21. 1. velj

    Even in the depths of winter when my black hair on a black sweater makes me a floating head, I am still extremely cute

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