Lived in my condo for a decade with my ex, he never did anything to improve it... now that he's gone I am renovating it myself and it is starting to look AMAZING

Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 23

Roads a complete sheet of ice? No problem. Showers? Omg!!! Awful. Awful business

It's raining in CT today, which of course means folks walking around stooped and stressed, draped in thick layers of plastic - if they even leave the house at all - because (checks notes)... drops of water are falling from the sky

(Trying to jump on tonight's trends): Blue check? More like... WHO... the HECK - added blue check...marks to these famous guys accounts

Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 22

Oh shit I still haven't gotten nachos

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Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 15

Sitting here PRAYING someone would text me if i want to go get nachos

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Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 22

Me: (Does the work to know what I deserve) so now that I don't need to be the savior/fixer, there's no one left to be attracted to. Terrific

Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 15

Anyway. I need some goddamn GOOD nachos ffs and making them myself will not suffice

The last time I bought nachos they were VEGAN and I regret the error. It had like, a salad on top? A few weeks later my friend ordered them, didn't share, hardly ate any and brought the rest home. I considered ending it all.

Chips you'll solve within a week, maybe even a day. But pizza? This might linger for 1-2 weeks. Who buys cheesecake? That's a whole thing. Nachos? Well now I need to find someone to eat them with. I can't just go out and eat nachos by myself?

Cravings that ruin lives: Pizza "Good" thai Nachos Chips Cookies Cake Cheesecake Once it starts, there's nothing else to think about

Sitting here PRAYING someone would text me if i want to go get nachos

I knew trump was a blowhard but didn't realize he was actually inflatable

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NRA

@NRA

Apr 14

NRA Life Member Donald J. Trump

Lisa

@invisiblevisitr

Apr 15

TL;DR: hey. It's okay to be yourself It's ok to change It's GREAT to love yourself Shit happens It's ok to struggle My yoga teacher used to say, "everything is unfolding exactly as it should" Dont forget: Life on earth is a game One day he/she will regret what they did to you 😅

I struggle a lot with getting older, and being single (I'm typically the type who is in a long term relationship). But now I approach each day feeling "in control" but with curiosity. For the most part, I'm afraid of nothing. (I suffered from panic attacks so that's a big deal)

I've never been a big fan of life and never felt comfortable in my own skin. That's why when I see others struggling I want to help. I fucking get it. But now, I feel... Oddly fine. Like an observer of it all.

Through all of it we judge ourselves so harshly. But in fact we need to live ourselves, understand what our souls truly desire, and realize that every supposed misstep is actually our heart's way to heal. Our little cry for help.

Every day, every minute is a cog in the wheel of life. Every moment we lean in and love fully, is beautiful. Every time we have a moment of clarity is a step forward. Every day we spend regressing is practice.

It doesn't matter

Sometimes you are mind-bending in love with someone who was literally put on earth to fuck with you. Sometimes you are just angry. Sometimes you're unable to move. It's all... ok. I've had 2 conversations today with friends who hate that they're in love with the wrong men

(My autocorrect is wreaking havoc on me) But anyway, I realize now, with newfound clarity, how attitude and hard work really do make a difference. Letting things go. But you know what? Sometimes you're in a shitty period and you can't let anything go.

I have realized that your relationships with yourself is paramount to everything else. You can make great decisions that fail, poor decisions that worn out. The ONLY thing that matters is your relationship with yourself.

When I look back at all of this I mo longer think "oh how dramatic" or "what a waste of time." I see this phase as an important part of my growth. My job is great now. My ex and I are like, best friends. My mom remains a challenge but I'm less angry about it.

He was the last vestige of this awful awful time in my life. And now, I release him. Im feel grateful to him. He was put in my life so I could enter a new era. His sharp rejection helped me rebuild from the ground up. I talked to him the other day and something was different.

I always used to say he had a fish hook in my heart. I couldn't dislodge it. And if I tried, I'd bleed. But then... Recently... i feel... F r e e

But for some reason the rejection from him was earth shattering. I've been rejected lots in my life and I always got over it fast. But with him, it lingered. It's been almost a year since he rejected me. And recently we had to work together again, which was my biggest fear.

These past 2-3 years have been unbearably painful because I questioned my entire belief system. I find that the hardest thing to do because your belief system is your foundation. It's unnerving to take something handed to you by society/family and in your 40s say, "hey wait"

For the first time in my whole fucking life I mattered - to myself. I never felt I deserved anything. I always felt I had to prove myself to others before they were allowed to like me. No wonder I wasn't living. I was trapped in this nonsense.

Within three months this woman gave me back my footing. I wasn't "back" by any means, but I had told to process daily stuff. Childhood stuff. I had the courage that when my mother hung up on me and wouldnt talk to me for weeks, to say, "that's her thing"

I made a list for her about everything that had been going on. I expected her to say, "ok you're very messed up but I can try to see what I can do." I seriously thought that. That I was beyond repair. This gorgeous creature of a woman said to me, "yes. I can help."

I couldn't go to therapy while my boyfriend and I were together because I knew it would be obviously I'd have to end it and I couldn't do it. So when HE ended it, I was finally free to get help. And omg what a goddamn relief.

I don't have great self esteem to begin with, but now I felt... Incompetent. Unlovable. Ugly. Lost. Hopeless. Crazy!!!!! Abandoned. Purposeless. Drinking problem? Loss of identity. Absolutely shaken to my core. And I couldn't even explain what was happening.

The last part of the destruction was telling him how I felt, and his response sucked. Sp now, everything I cared about was destroyed, including my job. I still had it but I had been a little "extra" and lost some footing.

He ruined my whole "old" life. I had poured gasoline over everything and he inspired me to light the match. But folks, it weren't a good thing at the time. Literally everything became messed up and so did I. I was a shell of myself.

This is comically intense

And then there was him. The light of my day. The bane of my existence. The reason I woke up. The ache in my heart. The torture. That's when I started drinking.

I couldn't tell anyone what was going on because how could I? Have the nerve to choose myself? Say no to my mother? I had to keep the plates spinning. Make sure everyone was okay, so it didn't all collapse. I mean that was how I spent my whole life. Can't change now.

I had all these conflicting feelings and I hated it. I hated myself for wanting "more." I had a big mouth and was feisty my whole life, but at the core I was a doormat with no self worth. It was all coming to a head. Everything I loved was disintegrating. And I couldn't stop it.

When I pulled away from my bf he didn't pull back. My mother stopped talking to me. My father had health issues and mentally was not there anymore. What did I have left? I had my job, which I LOVED, but I was suffering from burnout.

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