Momma Chalupa 2.0

@inmyimage007

You are not experiencing deja vu. You know me from another lifetime. In a relationship with

In the fridge
Vrijeme pridruživanja: studeni 2019.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    15. stu 2019.

    If I die while masturbating, please make sure my obituary says “she died doing what she loved”.

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    Skip work, let's go dancing

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    One thing is clear: A whole hell of a lot of people don't understand how a QUARANTINE works.

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    The crazier they are... The crazier they fuck.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 minuta

    “Do you truly love me, Oscar? How can I know?” she asked, trembling. “Margaret, how could you not realize I do?” he replied tenderly, “I let you have the last Reese’s cup, didn’t I?” They embraced as best they could, arms almost able to encircle one another.

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    Even a Tesla isn’t as eco friendly as riding a mustache... just doing my part for the environment.

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    If Train leaves a station heading west at 50 mph & Train leaves another station heading east at 60mph how long til she’s back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair?

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    Riddle me this: What do you and a 4-way stop have in common? Answer: I considerately wait for you to come before pulling out.

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    inventor, of the hovercraft: im looking for the patent office guy, on the street: first left down there then a hard right inventor: *pulls down goggles* oh fuck

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    Make me *wet so I know it’s real. *a sandwich

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I just checked my Facebook account. Karen wanted us to post the 12th pic in our camera rolls. She blocked me when I shared a boob shot even though it was way better than her picture of her toe fungus she wanted an opinion on.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Twitter fuckbois: I'm just out here looking for love Twitter women: FFS, please don't fall in love with me lol I have too many issues just looking for lust please call me sexy aha Also Twitter women: omg can you believe these fuckbois???

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    Do you remember the Titanic scene where Rose presses her hand against the car window? Sex with me is like that, but I leave Cheetos residue.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    I have 8 days til Valentines to get a BF and 9 days to prepare for all the sad poetry imma write when he realises I’m unstable

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 35 minuta

    So many professional athletes get fat after retiring but joke’s on them tho I’m also fat but at least I still have good knees

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    Today is MewTwo and Ronald Reagan's birthday. One was a power hungry fiend that tried to destroy the world. The other is a Pokémon.

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    At what age do people stop running everywhere they go? Imagine if we didn’t? Me: Go to the bathroom pls. 4: OK! *runs as if wearing a cape* [30 years on] Boss: Meeting in the conference room. 34: OK! *runs as if wearing a cape*

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  18. I could never be your muse. I’m more of a siren. A loud, obnoxious siren

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Say those three little words that get any woman hot. — Air conditioner’s broken

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    My kid: Good morning, Mommy! Me: Gross, settle down.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    The point at which freezing rain becomes snow is when it learns how to love itself

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