Momma Chalupa 2.0

@inmyimage007

You are not experiencing deja vu. You know me from another lifetime. In a relationship with

In the fridge
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Vrijeme pridruživanja: studeni 2019.
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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    15. stu 2019.

    If I die while masturbating, please make sure my obituary says “she died doing what she loved”.

    8 replies 73 proslijeđena tweeta 222 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 12 minuta

    Skip work, let's go dancing

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 12 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    One thing is clear: A whole hell of a lot of people don't understand how a QUARANTINE works.

    1 reply 7 proslijeđenih tweetova 17 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 sati

    The crazier they are... The crazier they fuck.

    25 replies 62 proslijeđena tweeta 228 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 minuta

    “Do you truly love me, Oscar? How can I know?” she asked, trembling. “Margaret, how could you not realize I do?” he replied tenderly, “I let you have the last Reese’s cup, didn’t I?” They embraced as best they could, arms almost able to encircle one another.

    1 reply 13 proslijeđenih tweetova 31 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 27 minuta

    Even a Tesla isn’t as eco friendly as riding a mustache... just doing my part for the environment.

    14 proslijeđenih tweetova 41 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 30 minuta

    If Train leaves a station heading west at 50 mph & Train leaves another station heading east at 60mph how long til she’s back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair?

    1 reply 12 proslijeđenih tweetova 19 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 36 minuta

    Riddle me this: What do you and a 4-way stop have in common? Answer: I considerately wait for you to come before pulling out.

    1 reply 14 proslijeđenih tweetova 30 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 35 minuta

    inventor, of the hovercraft: im looking for the patent office guy, on the street: first left down there then a hard right inventor: *pulls down goggles* oh fuck

    1 reply 27 proslijeđenih tweetova 39 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    Make me *wet so I know it’s real. *a sandwich

    6 replies 32 proslijeđena tweeta 66 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
    Prikaži ovu nit
    Prikaži ovu nit
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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    I just checked my Facebook account. Karen wanted us to post the 12th pic in our camera rolls. She blocked me when I shared a boob shot even though it was way better than her picture of her toe fungus she wanted an opinion on.

    23 proslijeđena tweeta 69 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    Twitter fuckbois: I'm just out here looking for love Twitter women: FFS, please don't fall in love with me lol I have too many issues just looking for lust please call me sexy aha Also Twitter women: omg can you believe these fuckbois???

    17 proslijeđenih tweetova 43 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    Do you remember the Titanic scene where Rose presses her hand against the car window? Sex with me is like that, but I leave Cheetos residue.

    27 proslijeđenih tweetova 56 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    I have 8 days til Valentines to get a BF and 9 days to prepare for all the sad poetry imma write when he realises I’m unstable

    28 proslijeđenih tweetova 68 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 35 minuta

    So many professional athletes get fat after retiring but joke’s on them tho I’m also fat but at least I still have good knees

    35 proslijeđenih tweetova 94 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 33 minute

    Today is MewTwo and Ronald Reagan's birthday. One was a power hungry fiend that tried to destroy the world. The other is a Pokémon.

    5 replies 35 proslijeđenih tweetova 108 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 57 minuta

    At what age do people stop running everywhere they go? Imagine if we didn’t? Me: Go to the bathroom pls. 4: OK! *runs as if wearing a cape* [30 years on] Boss: Meeting in the conference room. 34: OK! *runs as if wearing a cape*

    10 replies 30 proslijeđenih tweetova 87 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  18. prije 33 minute

    I could never be your muse. I’m more of a siren. A loud, obnoxious siren

    24 proslijeđena tweeta 50 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    Say those three little words that get any woman hot. — Air conditioner’s broken

    8 replies 41 proslijeđeni tweet 77 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    My kid: Good morning, Mommy! Me: Gross, settle down.

    21 proslijeđeni tweet 55 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    The point at which freezing rain becomes snow is when it learns how to love itself

    8 replies 80 proslijeđenih tweetova 196 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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