Justine Ang Fonte, M.Ed, MPH

“Assessing if they are looking forward to it is a really good way to help them identify if they are ready. Their head, body, and heart should work in tandem to assess their readiness,” says Fonte.

“Have them assess and think about their friendships. Are these friendships that serve you? This is a really good time to help them identify healthy relationships that serve them,” says Fonte.

She says it’s equally important to talk with them about how to assess if the time is right for them to have sex. Fonte explains that readiness can be a confusing concept for kids, and they need the right tools and guidance to understand that pressure doesn’t equal readiness.

Teens: “There is much pressure to have one big conversation,” says Fonte. “It can be 100 one-minute talks.” One thing is for certain, no matter how you approach the discussion, make sure that it’s not a lecture.

“Putting the term 'pornography' in their vernacular is appropriate at this time,” says Fonte. “They are going to start seeking it out. It’s important you explain exactly what it is.”

She says that it’s a good idea to explain what’s happening inside that is causing them to feel, look, and smell differently on the outside. “Let them know, ‘Here is why these changes are happening. Your body is getting ready to be a reproductive adult,’” says Fonte.

9-12: “Just because you told them their body is going to change, doesn’t always mean they’ll be comfortable when those changes arise. The media starts to inform their self esteem and they aren’t getting credible resources.”

7-9: While our experts say that discussions should start far earlier than age 7, if you haven’t started talking about sex with your children, now is the time to remove the taboo.

4-6: This is a good time to establish firmly that they have a say over their bodies. It’s also important to convey to them that you are a safe person to talk to if something feels inappropriate, even if they have previously kept an uncomfortable or confusing interaction a secret.

Birth to 3: “Whenever you are interacting with their body you can be modeling consent, and that can start when you’re changing their diapers. Tell them what you are doing with their body; for example you can say ‘I’m going to clean your vulva or your penis or your anus.’”

"be conscientious of how you talk about your own body and others' bodies—teens are listening." She believes this "helps teens to expand their definition of what's attractive and beautiful."

"You want them to be a fulfilled human being who is secure with their body and identities-does mainstream porn cultivate that? You want them to know how their body works and to make it feel good in a variety of different ways-is there a dependence on mainstream porn to feel good?

"...encourage them to ask themselves questions, such as: Is what you are watching in service of your physical and emotional safety? Does it make you feel good about yourself? What do you enjoy about it? What is uncomfortable about what you see?

"I want to believe that the way I teach comprehensive sexuality is inclusive of all religions and cultures where I want students to experience safety, fulfillment, and pleasure."

"A lot of times I’m doing sex ed, it’s still 101 for many of them because they never got it in school. A barrier with parents is that they have a lot more years of being socialized in an oppressive direction. So, there’s more unlearning that has to be done."

"... understanding that sexuality is one of the most personal subject matters in humankind. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way in the smear campaign I was recently in the center of."