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imhinesmi's profile
ian hines
ian hines
ian hines
@imhinesmi

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ian hines

@imhinesmi

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Joined May 2018

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    1. ian hines‏ @imhinesmi Mar 10
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      me: how do i get better at socializing advice giving person: try talking to people me: ... is there anything else i can do

      10 replies 3 retweets 34 likes
      Show this thread
    2. David R. MacIver‏ @DRMacIver Mar 10
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      Replying to @imhinesmi

      "try talking to people" is shitty advice because it's "have you tried changing yourself on pure willpower?" and that doesn't work. I can give less shitty advice if you'd find that helpful?

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
    3. ian hines‏ @imhinesmi Mar 10
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      Replying to @DRMacIver

      its more the class of advice that goes "if you want to get better at things, you have to do them" which seems straightforwardly true though i am willing to take any and all advice on making it less scary

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    4. ian hines‏ @imhinesmi Mar 10
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      Replying to @imhinesmi @DRMacIver

      i guess more specifically whats scary is approaching conversations with goals in mind e.g. dating, job search, etc or even just asking for help in general (the ol' catch 22)

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    5. David R. MacIver‏ @DRMacIver Mar 10
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      Replying to @imhinesmi

      My baseline advice: 1. Read "The courage to be disliked" 2. Apply The Fully General System to the problem (e.g. find least scary forms of socialisation, do those). https://www.drmaciver.com/2019/05/how-to-do-hard-things/ … 3. Build on existing friendships as a place to practice if possible.

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
    6. David R. MacIver‏ @DRMacIver Mar 10
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      Replying to @DRMacIver @imhinesmi

      For dating, Mark Manson's book "Models" is surprisingly good (in that it's good, and that's surprising). Job search... not sure. Depends what you're struggling with. Do a bunch of interviews for companies you don't actually want to work for, so you can go in stress free?

      2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      ian hines‏ @imhinesmi Mar 10
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      Replying to @DRMacIver

      the weird thing is that im not entirely certain its fear of people saying no, as much as... i dont want to be an imposition? and people tell me sometimes that no really, they like answering questions but i dont believe them even though i like answering questions agh

      8:57 AM - 10 Mar 2020
      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. ian hines‏ @imhinesmi Mar 10
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          Replying to @imhinesmi @DRMacIver

          is this what coherence therapy is for

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. David R. MacIver‏ @DRMacIver Mar 10
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          Replying to @imhinesmi

          Little bit yeah. I've still not actually got around to reading the book though. Have you read https://notebook.drmaciver.com/posts/2020-02-20-09:31.html … ? Also, I really do think you'd find "Courage to be disliked" helpful. Might take you more work to implement it as I'd developed more of the skillset first.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        4. End of conversation

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