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  1. Pinned Tweet
    24 Jan 2017

    Trump: Am I killing America right, Mike? Pence: Doing great, buddy Trump: I'm the best America killer, everyone says so Pence: You sure are

    Undo
  2. Undo
  3. Jul 22
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  4. Jul 21

    People being consistently nice to me is my kink.

    Undo
  5. Jul 19

    Life’s biggest lie is that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. A lot of days you’ll struggle just to fix yourself a sandwich.

    Undo
  6. Jul 22

    Saying women can’t choose to have abortions unless we’re raped is telling us we don’t EARN autonomy over our own bodies until a man violates it.

    Undo
  7. Pro-Life Activists: “Women who get pregnant are irresponsible sluts. They should definitely become mothers.”

    Undo
  8. Jul 20

    YOU DON'T SAY! YOU MEAN A NORM THAT WAS ESTABLISHED DURING THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION FOR FACTORY EFFICIENCY CAN BE PHASED OUT IN FAVOUR OF A NEW NORM THAT WORKS BETTER FOR THE INFORMATION AGE? WOW, SO SURPRISING!

    Undo
  9. Jul 21

    Tia Coleman and 10 family members were on the duck boat when it capsized. Tia and her nephew were the only survivors from her family. Verified to help Tia and her family lay nine family members to rest; funds will go directly to Tia:

    Undo
  10. Jul 21

    Feel bad for the neighbor kid. His voice is... pre-pubescent and he never stops chattering. His mom and brother and sister are always telling him he's annoying and to shut up. They need to trust that his voice annoys ME wayyy more than any of them but he's a nice boy. Be nicer.

    Undo
  11. Jul 21

    Okay America, we need to step it up. I, too, want to be able to refer to a chip van (a. chip. van!!!) blocking the way to the gym. Every gym, really.

    Undo
  12. Jul 20

    This man no doubt has so much to offer. So much life experience, so much knowledge. Someone offer him something better than 12 bucks an hour to be treated so horrifically and then fired to boot!!

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  13. Jul 20

    I know there is a love note from my boyfriend right now on the kitchen counter. I haven't read it yet b/c I just cuddled him two hours ago but won't see him for another eight hours... gonna save it for when I need a 2pm fix😩

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  14. Jul 19
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  15. Jul 18

    You wanna get drunk and go to the bar every weekend? Awesome! You wanna eat clean and go to the gym? Good for you! You wanna have sex with your ex for the 3rd time this week? Knock yourself out! What we aren’t gonna do is bash women for living their lives!!!!! Mind ya business

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  16. Jul 19

    Anybody else have that thing where every couple of days, for about 3 milliseconds or so, you momentarily forget that life is a pain carousel. But then it’s like your eyes open again after blinking and it’s like OH RIGHT

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  17. Jul 19

    I'm not 100% okay but hey at least I can talk to Esteban

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  18. Jul 18

    Let’s be clear, the Russians did not meddle in our election. They committed an act of cyber warfare against the very foundation of our democracy.

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  19. Jul 18
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  20. Jul 18

    “Either he’s compromised by Putin or he’s a pussy, in which case he should grab himself.” — U.S. diplomat on his boss, Trump

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  21. Jul 18

    A magnificent erection has appeared in London.

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