Birnbaumenstein 3-D

@ianbirnbaum

Professional Curmudgeon. Freelance writer for , , , others

Dallas, Texas
ianbirnbaum.com
Joined February 2012
1,405 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Feb 27

    Important reminder:

    1 retweet 4 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Jun 7

    Remember: you're not alone, and you're not a failure. Forgive yourself, every day if you have to. Being smart is great, but it isn't everything. It never was, you just didn't know it until now.

    19 replies 1,376 retweets 8,594 likes
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  3. Jun 7

    When you have a favorite chewie bone but what you really need is a hat

    1 retweet 5 likes
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  4. Jun 7

    All the players in the final are trying very hard and are extremely handsome and talented

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  5. Retweeted
    Jun 5

    victorians writing hymns like "these lyrics are insane and the melody is horrible. let's sing this at god"

    37 replies 1,875 retweets 11,157 likes
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  6. Jun 6

    Special thanks to for patiently explaining OpenGL to me, since I am a big dumb baby

    1 reply 1 like
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  7. Jun 6

    What I really like about writing for Motherboard is that we keep it fucking classy

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  8. Jun 6

    If your intake of news and pop culture happens mostly online, then you’ll enjoy this internet themed crossword puzzle

    1 reply
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  9. Retweeted
    Jun 5

    Americans: we have a game here where we try and find buildings that were obviously built as Pizza Huts but aren't anymore, you can still tell from the shape and roof of the building. Do you have anything like that? Germans: uh

    398 replies 13,770 retweets 48,927 likes
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  10. Jun 5

    0:01 Oh, cute 0:03 Wait, what? 0:04 Umm what is that chicken-- 0:10-0:30 😱

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  11. Jun 5

    If someone drew this picture I’d be like “yeah ok Banksy” but here it is in real life

    1 like
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  12. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    “We’ve been in Afghanistan for 119 dog years, bark bark”

    Who’s got a good caption 🐶
    105 replies 2,734 retweets 17,371 likes
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  13. Jun 4

    Yep

    4 likes
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  14. Jun 4

    I’ve thought about it for two seconds later and I’m almost certain I’ve made this joke before

    1 reply 2 likes
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  15. Jun 4

    [chasing dog, making grabby hands motion at their butt] bootybootybootybootybootybooty

    1 reply
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  16. Jun 4

    [end of job interview] ...and that’s how we can leverage content through our social media presence to tell our brand story in a compelling, human way. Great, thanks for your time. [8 seconds later, grabbing dog’s butt] bootybootybootybootybootybootybooty

    1 reply 3 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Jun 1

    Ollie North calls us terrorists and yet he hasn’t even tried to sell us weapons yet. I’m just confused is all.

    1,053 replies 14,604 retweets 67,351 likes
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  18. May 30

    They're going to take Fallout out behind the woodshed and Elder Scrolls Online it, aren't they?

    2 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    May 29

    medical science: having a regular sleep schedule and going outside is good for you me: fcuck off nerds me: [goes outside and gets enough sleep] hey idiots check out this cool thing i invented

    17 replies 2,285 retweets 11,724 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    May 29

    My next album is going to be, at times, the most old head production ever, but with modern taste. Return Of The Soul. July 24. The sound you have been missing.

    17 replies 52 retweets 198 likes
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  21. May 29

    as you can see I'm taking this whole thing very seriously

    3 replies 1 like
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