I Am Devloper

Company: We need it done yesterday Developer: We need focussed time to analyze, fix, & mentally build a house-of-cards (made of glass) to complete this deliverable. Company: Adopts latest Open Floor Plan with tiny desks & installs new, louder phone system. Developer: shatters

The best thing about the snack room is that it’s the first sign that the company is doing poorly when it doesn’t get restocked.

or when the snack quality get's downgraded

employee: I want this senior role company: We've decided not to fill this position any longer (translation: we won't promote you since we want to "save the company money")

Clearly you’ve worked with some of my employers!

employee: flexible work hours? company: *everyone gets a metal straw with our logo on it*

Come to a German company. Company installs ping pong table. Employee: okay where are the balls and the bats? Manager: They are locked away. You can find the key in hr office. And don't forget to clock out, we won't pay you for gaming!

Another true story. Company: we have bad and good news. Bad news: over hours aren't paid anymore. Good news coffee and water is free now. (Two years later) Company: coffee and water became too expensive, they are revoked!