ACES National Grammar Day Tweeted Limerick Contest

Claiming grammar is a matter of choice disturbs prescriptivists as much as "MOIST." But when editing fiction, priority is diction. So ask, "Is syntax here true to one's voice?" #GrammarLimerick #amediting

#GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay Grammar should not shift about so, Making me doubt what I already know. It should be precise, Making it nice, So I can write it and then let it go.

The word utilize has to go It's overuse is reaching a new low You've got nothing to lose So why not try 'use'? Write to be understood not for show. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

#GrammarLimerick The comma splice makes quite a scene When a virgule is placed in between Two clauses independent You’ll need an amendment Semicolon or period makes clean

#GrammarLimerick It's one of those unwritten laws That has me so worried, because I know I must never Permit that "whomever" Begins a subordinate clause.

It‘s daunting, it‘s haunting, you‘re squirming Your eyes have this fever-like burning Der, die, das, dem! Die, der, des, den! That‘s German grammar you‘re learning. #GrammarLimerick (am I doing this right?)

Punctuation was clearly his "thang." He'd tweak copy for days 'til it "sang." When told his own death would soon pass, "REALLY?!" he gasped, And went out with an interrobang. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

To all the writers and editors bringing drama about the em dash, split infinitive and Oxford comma, if your love is to furiously scribe, you, like me, will reveal your tribe— just don’t let the death of an idea be grammatical trauma. #grammarlimerick #grammarday

There once was an editor named Momma, whose children had no use for the comma. She taught and she fought. It was all for naught. She finally gave up on the drama. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

The pedant gibbered and ranted and wailed, “It seems that all of my efforts have failed - The rules I’ve enacted, Against “ain’t” & “impacted”; Not once have I ever prevailed.” #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

When you write with last-minute speed, You often neglect to proofread. With tracked tools, I will comment. My goal’s not to torment. Better writing will help you succeed. #GrammarLimerick

#GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick 2/2 Be kind when dispensing advice: If it wasn’t requested, think twice For context is king When communicating. Rock on, language fans, but play nice.

#GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick 1/2 On pedants and peevers of grammar It’s time that we lower the hammer: “Mistakes” they revile Oft are matters of style And their “rules” oft prescriptionist yammer.

There once was a split infinitive The rules said it was primitive ‘Times have changed,’ they said. ‘The split rule is dead— It’s something to simply put up with.’ #GrammarLimerick

There once was an Oxford comma, Who felt like a prima donna. ‘No one likes me!’ she said. ‘They wish I’d drop dead! ‘Cept my best friends, God and my momma.’ #GrammarLimerick

Sex sex anticipation Sex sex sex procreation Sex sex sex sex sex Sex sex sex sex sex Semantic satiation #GrammarLimerick

#GrammarLimerick Apostrophes show possession In contractions they offer compression When in plurals you use them You only abuse them And keep all the rest of us stressin’

The thing about less versus few Is that really it's all down to you Prescribed by a guide On the Georgian age side For language that's just far too new My #GrammarLimerick attempt #GrammarDay on my biggest bug bear FAO @estherrliu just to start the drama

There once was a writer named Kyle Who just couldn’t stand AP style. “I can’t abbreviate Maine? These weird rules hurt my brain!” And he picked up CMOS with a smile. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There once were two silly young boys Who, writing, declared their new choice: “We’ll nounify verbs And add small extra words!” And thus invented passive voice. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There once was a writer who gladly Abused adverbs, so very badly. When her editor deleted, She quickly retreated And put them all back in, quite madly. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

“They’re, their, there,” is what they say When they don’t really know the right way. Just take a stab in the dark, Maybe one will hit the mark. If not, there’s always an editor to pay. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There once was a gentlemen angling For an editor's heart by verse wrangling But his love was a scold When his poem he told And he left with his participle dangling. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

It isn't "per say," it's "per se," (Unless it's each time that you've said) And it's never "agleese" - Alert grammar police! - At least, that's what my teachers all said. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

An editor’s cat starts to purr And paws at the keyboard, types rrrrrrr. The distracted pet master Left a grammar disaster And was paid Not in cash but in fur. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

The dangling participle sin or calling all people men--- each syntactic vice continues to entice me to wield the red pen #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

@copyeditors “AP Style, AP schmile,” said the writer who couldn’t care less, “I’ll write out ‘one thousand, use ‘over’ not ‘more than,’ “Italicize and boldface 'Cause my writing’s the best,” Said the writer whose editor makes less. #GrammarLimerick

@copyeditors Raging debates about usage, Occasionally become very effusive, “Em dashes, en dashes!” “No, no dashes at all!” Screamed the editor banging his head on a wall. #GrammarLimerick

@copyeditors There once was a comma named Oxford, Whose presence before “and” was retorted, Those who said “yay” Were pushed back by the “nays,” And neither explained what they supported. #GrammarLimerick

When writing a multi-pronged list, there’s one aspect, be sure to untwist: Do the verbs starting phrases have the same tense in all cases? Parallelism—you get the gist. #grammarlimerick

Semantics, syntax, and grammar Are tools we can wield like a hammer These three vital parts Work together as art And with them our writing yields glamour #grammarlimerick #GrammarDay

Some people see functional shift As a sign that our tongue is adrift But speech is amended By ‘gifting’ and ‘friended,’ Altho we oft give it short shrift. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

My #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick When using your phone for dictation be sure to include punctuation: A dot or a comma, or if there's some drama you might prefer an exclamation.

I once was so bad at grammar, To my writing I took a hammer. But then I studied and read, Until my bad habits were dead, And now my writing is filled with glamour. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay @GrammarGirl

There once was a potential client who was arrogant, brash, and defiant: ​"My mother has read it— just needs a light edit." Beware, he will be noncompliant. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay @copyeditors

Some people just hate them on sight; With grave disapproval they might: Take them out for no reason, because it's the season; In any case, please, yes, let's fight! #GrammarLimerick

The five-line verse I created Was literally decimated. Since I speak with precision, You will know the excision Was half of a li ... #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

Punctuation, misspellings, semantics— it's enough to make authors go frantic! All those typos and quotes! How to format footnotes? What they all need are editors' antics. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick @copyeditors

4/4 Try as you might to resist, Semicolons are allowed to exist. You can’t use them right, But you’re not very bright, So I’ll ask you to cease and desist. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

3/4 So, what are your rules for a list? If you can’t reach accord, d’you persist? Who knew that the comma, Could cause so much drama, Boy, that Oxford mark sure makes me pissed. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

2/4 When I see that apostrophe “S,” It makes me see red, I confess. Your use of the plural Gives me disorders neural, And my rage I can hardly suppress. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

1/4 There’s nothing that causes more stress, Or creates more emotional mess, When you should go for “fewer,” But you’re such a wrongdoer That you constantly choose to use “less.” #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

A former schoolteacher of grammar Chose the criminal life for its glamour Where she once marked in red awkward leads and subheads Now she proofreads appeals from the slammer. #GrammarLimerick

Find an adjective? Kill it, Mark Twain said Gertrude Stein, bored by nouns, verbs promoted Stephen King sneered that adverbs Pave hell's road to both curbs So my lexicon's sadly depleted. #GrammarLimerick

[From the perspective of a language pedant] The slang, it just makes my heart ache I'm scared my dear English will break Our language is dying My ego is crying This pedant's "concern" is all fake #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

"Faulty parallelism, you see, I eschew most assiduously." Thus said Constable Brown As he sat himself down And ate limburger, ham, and sipped tea. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There was a semi-colon from Nantucket And copy-editors always try to pluck it But authors resist And continue to insist 'Til eventually the editor says f*ck it #grammarlimerick

#GrammarDay #GrammarLimerickhttps://twitter.com/Write_again/status/969338841025757184 …

The copy desk oft gets a look From writers of news and of books They think they don't need us But their words are all sus So their hubris is making me shook #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

Old Frumpengruff's might'ly perturbed When he hears that a noun has been verbed. Though it's gone on for ages, Still he (18th c.) fusses and (14th) rages -- In high dudgeon that cannot be (16th) curbed. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

@CodeCurmudgeon A rule for all to be knowin', Don't end a sentence with semi-colon. Exception to the rule, Known by any fool, Is in programming, it needs to be showin'. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

Prescriptivist grammar is shallow Its rules are for fossils to hallow The language is changing So answers are ranging As to whether an edit is callow #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

@editorMark The comma, an editor mark. It often appears after "hark." It separates clauses, Is useful for pauses, In Europe it's a decimal mark. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

I want it engraved on my tomb. One rule about who or whom. With, by, for, and to, It is plain what to do, The obvious answer is whom. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

We spend all day correcting others' grammar But we're not Nazis, we don't just bring down the hammer. It's okay if you make a mistake An errant typo or comma is something we can take but not learning or improving will make us stammer. #grammarday #grammarlimerick @copyeditors

#GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick Whether from a city a town or a borough. Limericks must all be judged thorough. Some may be blue, But grammatically true, Tis the legacy of Martha Brockenbrough.

If you think words like 'slay' are cool Perhaps it’s time you went back to school Language may evolve, and some words will dissolve But speaking in slang will leave you sounding like a fool #grammarlimerick #grammarday

#GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick Grammatical limericks, oh heck! Each judged, by J. Harbeck. Some may be worse, In rhyme or in verse, All read by another J. Harbeck.

The restrictive clause paired with ‘which,’ Caused ol’ Fowler’s eyelid to twitch: “It’s my cacoethes, whenever I see these, I excise them sons-of-a-bitch.” #grammarlimerick

In honour of #GrammarDay, here is my #GrammarLimerick entry: Dear authors, take care in your writing To avoid making errors most frightening To your reader be kind Keep your subject in mind And don't leave participles dangling

On a day with far too many errands The grammarian collapsed in his chair and Told himself that he'd doze Before editing prose 'Cause sleeping is his favorite gerund! #GrammarLimerick

"You wanna go with?" asked the trucker. "Tsk tsk tsk!" said the snoot with a pucker. "Prepositions don't go At the end! Don't you know?!" "So you wanna go with, motherfucker?" #grammarlimerick #grammarday

Get ready to be always soloin' When you profess love for semicolon "Every other mark's greater!" Says each editor/hater And to your face they be LOLin' #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

"Omit needless words," says old Strunk To his students, "or else you will flunk. With your lim'ricks," he pines, "You can do with four lines." #grammarlimerick #grammarday

Ellipses will help you save face if some words are a bit out of place. Their presence denotes words omitted from quotes using space dot space dot space dot space. #GrammarDay #GrammarLimerick

The grammar nerd sadly bereaves As the panda bear eats, shoots and leaves The killing is senseless And the error defenseless What a crime the bad writer conceives! #GrammarLimerick

One thing I’d like to see less of Is the apostrophe used for a plural instead of possessive. Even teachers I know Pepper their emails thus, so Reading “educated” writing can be quite depressive. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

He never knew which one to use And was very afraid to abuse A colon or comma He wanted no drama He chose a dash and called it a truce #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There once was an author named Merritt, whose knowledge was all to his credit. His writing skills, though, were all rather low, He hired Technica to edit! #GrammarDay #grammarlimerick @copyeditors

When reading papers I often take pause When I come upon a fragmented clause. My eyes start to glaze When I see “which” start a phrase, Knowing this is the start of the plethora of flaws. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

There once were some #pun-loving physicians, Who treated colons and object-ive conditions, Hoping not to get sued, They switched to cases of periods, tense moods, Contractions and less dicey prepositions. #GrammarLimerick @copyeditors #grammarday

Semi-colons are often abused And inserted when a comma should be used. They can have the function Of a coordinating conjunction, But the sentences must relate...wait, now I’M confused! #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

#GrammarLimerick A grammarian pedant from Uist Has peeves in the hundreds at fewest. He reads in Benbecula Grammars sacred and secular, Of which Lindley Murray's is newest.

At this usage rejection Please don’t get indigestion Despite the term’s phrasing There’s nothing you’re raising When you’re just begging the question #GrammarLimerick

There once was a mark named the comma, which helped us avoid tons of drama. When writers stopped usin' it quickly got gruesome after some poor soul wrote, "Let's eat Grandma." #GrammarLimerick

The comma to me is a punctuation quite neat. Specifically when it’s about things we do, and things we eat. “Let’s learn to cook and bake kids!” “Let’s learn to cook and bake, kids!” One is fine, but the other takes you to the edge of your seat. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

#GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay On missing punctuation. Title: An Apostrophate Story of Parody Lost ~ (a 140-char Twitrick) “Apostrophes Lost” rang the title absurd. Homeric epic of grammar deterred. Posessives abound, Abbreve's all around, Apostrophes never occurred.

#GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay For non-traditional grammar, consider a past pro. Title: A Phrase I Bard ~ (a 140-character Twitrick) The query, “To be orn’t to be,” Doth misquote the Bard, who, like me, Often joined language With pieces of slanguage And phrases from antiquity.

#GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay On ambiguous phrases. Title: If Not or Not If Not ~ “If not” has ambiguous meaning. Pedantic friends find it’s hard gleaning. The implicature Can be rather demure— Disambiguate: show where you’re leaning.

#GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay On the need for self-editing Title: Super Ed, or More Powerful than a Colloquial Motif ~ My editor, simply astounding, Brings coherence to all that’s confounding. Supermanic vocab, Unmatched grammar rehab, But my scryptonite leaves him dumbfounding!

My editor's toolbox has a chart On compounds and hyphens—so smart. Numbers, spelled out. Rules listed, sans doubt. Grammar served up à la carte. #grammarlimerick #grammarday

There once was a comma from Oxford Who thought its existence was awkward. It jumped from its sentence, Creating a menace, And now Grandma's part of the snack board. #grammarlimerick #grammarday

Some say that the misuse of "whom" must signal its impending doom. But others insist that this word should persist in the writings of meem and youm. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

Some seldom use subjunctive mood For facts that likely have been skewed. It’s a form they fear That won’t be clear. I wish it weren’t so oft eschewed. #GrammarLimerick #grammarday

Getting in on @copyeditors #GrammarLimerick contest for #GrammarDay Red ink on a page was once visible Now changes are tracked via digital Ctrl C Ctrl V Select all then delete Start from scratch without any residual

who would have thought that a comma would cause all manner of trauma is it harvard or serial or something ethereal it's useful, but not worth the drama #grammarlimerick

There once was a verb over-sexed, Whose behavior had everyone vexed. He was experimenting with nouns, Adjectives all over town, What participle was next?! #GrammarLimerickhttps://twitter.com/copyeditors/status/969203225114169344 …

If you don’t get the oxford comma, I’m gonna have to tell your momma. It’s absence leaves me confused, And definitely not amused So put it in to avoid all this drama! #grammarlimerick #grammarday

Formally, Dr. Whom Informally, Dr. Who(m) It’s all subjective. Or is it objective? Either/or, the audience hears a Who! #GrammarLimerick

There once was a young man named Nolan Who dreaded the feared semicolon Split stand along clauses With beautiful pauses And soon you'll be rockin' and rollin' #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

My arm, it is separated How to get this straighted? AQ: Left dislocation? Also, citation? Don’t be so informal about it, Ted #GrammarLimerick

If grammar checkers become exceptional, No longer will there be errors in digital However, that leads to the issue about How editors will be edited out. A future real conditional #GrammarLimerick

There once was a comma named Oxford To reject it became a bit awkward A great battle ensued 
Punctuation unglued 
Yet the stylebook sits here un-doctored #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay Late but for you @HeatherLandy

One of the very best places To cover grammatical bases Is in just a few weeks With the gaggle of geeks At the annual conference of ACES #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay

When your editor gets in a snit 'Cause the fellow you're quoting said *&$!!@# (Or possibly #&$#%!) You're not out of luck; 'Cause a grawlix can always replace it. #GrammarLimerick #GrammarDay