What it means to address Kobe Bryant's complicated history

Kobe’s rape case was the first pop culture moment I personally learned the terms consent+rape culture. He admitted he thought he had consent but in retrospect saw he didn’t. he went on to be a great dad to 4 lil girls. Rapists aren’t always monsters. People/life are complicated

I’ve talked with multiple friends about Kobe and how to address “the other stuff,” when looking back on his life. It’s OK to have complicated feelings about someone. We can glorify moments of their lives and chastise them for others. Characters aren’t supposed to be static.

For one night can we not write about that other shit and just take a moment. That other shit is nothing compared to mortality I’m so sad. I know that this happens all the time, but when it just hits, it hits. Tragedy is so confusing. Sudden accidents life is so fragile

No matter what you think about the outcome of the Kobe rape allegation the man was more than that incident. Any attempt to hijack his death before the coroner even reached the scene isn’t really about #metoo—it’s about chasing clicks and clout.

In less than 24 hours, I've gone from being grossed out that people would bring up the rape case in the immediate moments after Kobe's death, to being grossed out that so many would dismiss the case as if it didn't happen, and berate the people who do bring it up.

Man, if you're going to mention the rape case, don't just sprinkle it in there out of obligation. Using jargon like "complicated" is an easy way to glide past it. You can just write why someone who was so heroic to millions of people also represented rape culture at its fullest.

It's not that hard to see that your heroes can be seen in a different light by others, especially when they did do terrible things. And the fact that you wouldn't have to say "now's not the time" if the time to talk about it ever actually existed.

So many people, including the media, helped him rehabilitate after the case without ever reckoning with what he did. Because great athletes are heroes and we need them to be flattened as good. The entire "Black Mamba" idea was transforming that case into a positive.

What happened was what always happens, a powerful man was accused and people shamed the accuser and then went past the issue as quickly as possible. It's not unfair that some are still bitter about that and what it says about our world and how we value women.

Every great thing Kobe did afterwards, his support for women's sports, his love for his children and the youth, his new adventure into other ventures, was wonderful. But it's not up to fans to grant him a redemption for that rape case. Redemption starts at the people you hurt.

If he's never forgiven for that, then that's just it. That's the problem with hurting someone, you can't go and erase it and the power to fix it is not in your hands. But being mad at him not being forgiven for it, is being mad that the victim won't let you be comfortable.

It's not an impossible thing to reckon with, nor does it have to take away from grief and how important he was to so many people. But you can't use "flawed" as an escape. That's too cowardly.

We join the rest of the country in mourning, Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna, and the other seven lives lost in yesterday's accident. But punishing survivors for speaking out about assault—even when it concerns complicated and beloved figures like Kobe Bryant—is unacceptable.

We cannot create arbitrary timelines determining when it is or isn't appropriate for survivors to talk about assault on their own platforms. We cannot decide when harm should be forgiven.

It’s possible to feel overwhelming sadness for Vanessa Bryant & her remaining daughters AND acknowledge Kobe Bryant as an iconic athlete AND believe victims of sexual violence. It’s complicated. And that’s ok.

I have been very upfront about how I felt about Kobe and his legacy, but this is devastating news and I’m honestly just sitting here stunned. Give yourself and others room to feel complicated feelings of grief. Thinking of his wife and daughters, and also of survivors.

After covering sexual assault cases for several years, I'm just trying to listen to smart writers like Kavitha -- a friend who has publicly talked about being a survivor -- when it comes to the totality of the news about Kobe right nowhttps://twitter.com/kavithadavidson/status/1221864177926426624 …

As a survivor today is complicated. I don’t claim to speak for all of us, but for me, Kobe was a man who knew he hurt someone and he repented. He spent time working with female basketball players and was clearly an amazing father to his daughters. (1/3) https://twitter.com/IBJIYONGI/status/1221518841563533314 …

I believe that people aren’t the summation of the worst thing they’ve ever done. People are allowed to grow and be better, and I do believe Kobe did that. To my fellow survivors: however what you are feeling is valid. I love you and I support you. (2/3)

My thoughts and prayers are with the young woman who survived Kobe’s worst day. My thoughts and prayers are also with Kobe’s wife, daughters, and loved ones. People are complex. Kobe was certainly flawed, but at the end of the day I believe that he, like most people, was good.

as a sexual assault survivor, I totally understand how difficult it must be for certain folks to deal w/ everyone acknowledging Kobe’s death + his legacy, but I urge everyone to remember that two things can be true at once and feelings are not facts

Deaths like Kobe's reinforce how we don't really have a way to talk about both the good and bad aspects of someone like him -- it has to be either hero or villain. If the former, then you can't mention the rape accusations; if the latter, then you can't talk about his talents