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I just won an ACM, but don't worry I'm still stuck like everyone else in a Taco Bell drive-thru right now. @ACMAwards #ACMs
Sometimes people I don't even know give me compliments, and I'm just like wtf am I attractive or something?
111 retweets 135 favoritesI've appeared in enough golf product commercials that there is no way Bill Murray hasn't seen me on TV. And THAT'S my biggest achievement.
39 retweets 117 favoritesOh dear. Don’t know what to do at the airport. Huge crowd, but I’ll miss my plane if I stop and do photos … oh dear don’t want to disappoint
206 retweets 319 favoritesMy career has reached a new stage. The drunk-fan-recognizes-you-and-blurts-out-your-name-while-at-the-urinal stage. I'm gonna cherish it.
16 retweets 37 favoritesThat awkward moment when you go to http://Bodybuilding.com and the graphic on the left side...is you (photo) pic.twitter.com/8RyV2tLeCj
31 retweets 44 favoritesTo anyone newly following because a “Men’s website” included me on some dumb “hottest ladyTweeters” list: you have my condolences, bro.
52 retweets 101 favoritesPilot recognized me from DEADWOOD & JUSTIFIED as I was getting on plane. Made people wait while he asked about the shows. #Flatterbarrasing.
Being alive is weird.
125 retweets 120 favoritesI never anticipated having the sort of job where I would be on the phone with someone and say, "I have to go. Ang Lee is on the other line."
46 retweets 42 favoritesGeniuses @amazon just recommended my own book to me. Already read this one, thanks guys!
Just when you think you have made it. They butcher the spelling of your last name. #ferrarafarrarawhocares pic.twitter.com/75aW6lZl
it was right around this date in November when I was 27 years old that i remember looking at a 0 dollar bank balance at the ATM...
7,497 retweets 4,050 favoritesThat moment when you discover a ranty tirade you wrote drunk has been nominated for a @recordoftheday award... er...
Hey hey hey, you buncha wiseacres: self-promotion doesn't qualify as humblebragging. Buy the book! Find out why!
17 retweets 33 favoritesHumblebrag book in stores tomorrow, Sept. 25th
36 retweets 30 favoritesI think the day after the Emmy's should be dubbed: "Replay in your head all the awkward things you said to people day."
49 retweets 75 favoritesTwitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup.
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