Working on integrating a worry I have: everything is built on a shaky (relatively), susceptible tool- and supply-chain and I feel very foolish when I realize I'm taking things for granted -- also feel like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop (things to fall apart)
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E.g. Google docs will always be there. Or free email. Plumbing. Grocery stores. A way to get to work. A safe/warm bed If any of those go away for long enough that (my) life is permanently and negatively affected -- that probably means there's a bigger problem at hand
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Roam Research. Hot water. Time with friends. A phone. Access to safe, public spaces to walk, jog around Net gain to me and world will be higher if I treat these things as baseline, and get excited to build something resting on them as foundationhttps://twitter.com/warmbott/status/1222036768951685123?s=20 …
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and the things that have been around forever? Still no guarantee A non-serious example: vim + .txt files + grep is probably a great, future-resistant way to take notes But this Big Screen crap was only made in the 70shttps://twitter.com/HuanWin/status/1168550436648996864?s=20 …
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More seriously, I know intellectually that 1) nothing is guaranteed 2) I, specifically, am *very* privileged to have what I do / be where I am yet brain continues to _insist_ that I'm the verge of losing everything at any moment
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(actually working this out in explicit form for the first time, in public, whoops! need to pin down these thoughts, keep going.) wait. that makes no sense: if it's all on the verge of slipping away, why am I simultaneously acting like it's permanent, yet feeling like it's not?
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Instead of 'live like you'll die tomorrow, plan like you'll live forever", Brain is trying to "live like I'll live forever, plan like you'll die tomorrow" ?? (Not that pithy quotes should guide your life choices, but the inanity of Brain is captured in the juxtaposition here)
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Relatively high verbal intelligence (as opposed to my NEET levels of emotional intelligence lmao) is useful in exploring / defining these feelings, pinning them down Less so in working with them or even dealing. Gonna go do some pull/push-ups, + meditate/lean into the fear and-
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the recklessness that sometimes appears when I'm about to do something viscerally frightening and *do it anyway* There's a certain mental/emotional 'motion' in there that feels salient
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