on Britishness, failure, the loneliness of being the funniest person in the pub, cigs, machismo, Bacardi Breezers, and Robbie, Robbie, Robbie, the guardian angel of the end of the night, who never broke America, never could have, never needed to
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lauren o'neill
@hiyalauren
london / birminghamJoined February 2009
lauren o'neill’s Tweets
Italian week at Lidl goes so hard bro I’m piling my basket with delightfully flavoured salamis I’m
contemplating a ricotta and lemon dessert like that’s motherfucking amore my friends
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ok listen🚨 for I wrote about the dishes/ingredients that ur gonna be a) eating and more importantly b) taking photos of this summer, and also threw in some hot lil recommendations ft. my Platonic ideal of a pizza + a sexy pickle plate xxxx
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restaurants are called like Edna or Granite or Dolly’s and wine places are called Sacrament or Fount or, if they are for boys, MOIST. I think these are the rules
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broken record shit but from my own current experiences plus those of all the freelancers I know, I’ve never known late payments to be this bad. publications laying staffers off everywhere and therefore relying on freelancers, yet nobody is being paid hahah it's fun it's fun
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it’s essentially about the ways in which we can read The Mini-Mullet™️ as popularised by Paul Mescal into Laura Mulvey’s writing about the male gaze and the glamorous male like onscreen, only way more fun and sexy than that makes it sound xx
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almost a smooth four months after my first post, I have written a new Boywatch. it's about mini-mullets, boys in vests, Paul Mescal, the Toad Bakery queue, Laura Mulvey, and the male gaze. thank you.
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Lana Del Rey pauses to ask Brazil audience if they have seen her vape after she lost it on stage.
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the Two Shell/Polachek clash at Wide Awake on Saturday is going to wreck every heterosexual relationship in Brockwell Park
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high street sandwiches....every now and then a new Supreme rises....Joe and the Juice Joe's Club.....it's her time
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barista outside the café sparking her cig with a safety gas lighter you will always be famous
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this is actually a flippant comment from me bc in the right context (dark wayfarers, a loafer?) rugby shirts have always been good but I think their dominant mode in the UK is verrry ‘boys called George in red trousers’ so I am still grateful to Kieran for doing the hard work
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not to be horny on main but I am being horny on main. this image has single-handedly un-Claphammed rugby shirts
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something always sits v wrong w me about the current popular conception of 'chicness' (which most of the time I actually find totally vulgar) and think that's bc ppl confuse being 'chic' and being rich too much
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u know how in Regency times they would ‘promenade’ and it was basically an excuse to flex abt who you were dating and get a fit off and so on. the 2023 south east London version of that is the Toad Bakery queue on a Saturday. ‘what fine Birkenstock Bostons u are wearing bro’
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please can everyone bear this in mind today I will be watching
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think mid-length shorts on men are unseemly. a risky length in general but when you are lengthening the torso w big T-shirt and shortening the legs w socks too - forget about it. football shorts are the longest you should be going. if the girls have to be cheeked up so do you!
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think mid-length shorts on men are unseemly. a risky length in general but when you are lengthening the torso w big T-shirt and shortening the legs w socks too - forget about it. football shorts are the longest you should be going. if the girls have to be cheeked up so do you!
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been waiting for someone to do this piece, it's v good. hearing that the football scarf on head community (who are actually now the baby mullet + moustache for the summer community) are in crisis talks re: their next status food and drink item. they are considering sfogliatelle.
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I wrote about why everyone is a Guinness Guy for @BritishGQ
gq-magazine.co.uk/article/guinne
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was asked by to write abt two of my fav topics: food and Succession (hehe). the characters’ relationships to literal food often tell us about their places in the ~metaphorical food chain, as well as about the show’s philosophies at large:
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I know I am biased but: the UK’s greatest music writer getting her dues is so insanely long behind schedule but this book is going to be a tour de force, an education and crucially a massive laugh. nobody deserves it more. huge and amazing.
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I SOLD A FUCKING BOOK
TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS: A CULTURAL HISTORY OF MAINSTREAM EMO (2000 – 2013)
COMING 2025 VIA @HachetteUS
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while the sun is out for a minute why not read my little piece about how nice London is when this happens ☀️
timeout.com/london/city-li
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"There is a sequence in Kevin Durant's first game back in Oklahoma City that I still think about, it plays in my head like a lonely cowboy song."
completely symphonic to the point of putting tears in your eyes which is to say: business as usual from John
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Wrote about my favorite player basketballfeelings.substack.com/p/exits-god-in
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my review of Behind in London Fields, which is the most fun you can have with 8 courses, a Michelin star and a fish pie croquette that looks like it’s from Twin Peaks. thanks to and for having me
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in absolutely classique Lauren O'Neill style I have to move house again so if you know of anything in south east (Peckham ideally) going from like late June onwards pls give me a shout. I am nice and tidy and I always have gossip and I come with an air fryer x x x
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glad its sunny n everything but is there anything more humbling and Sisyphean than trying to get a fly out of ur gaff. just totally humiliating I feel like Mr Bean
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why tf do Cadbury’s keep dropping limited edition orange and mint chocolate bars when a) these are objectively the most dogshit flavours and b) they refuse to bring back their most elite tier treat - the white choc Flake that was dipped in the milk choc. I’m sounding off bro
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Congratulations to who has been awarded the 2023 Pulitzer Prize in Making a Coffee and Sort of Just Sitting on the Laptop For a Bit
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...for the very reason that that's the shit that is best to read. make stuff people genuinely want to look at, and find useful and interesting, and they will keep coming back. £5000 consultancy fee please.
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I agree and considering The Way Things Are Going with digital media it's quite clear that a content model which prioritises pace over everything doesn't work. more publications should publish less and pay better for work that writers actually have the time to research and craft
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This is an excellently clear and ambitious statement by @vittlesmagazine about paying their writers which makes me think that many other, better-established publications really need to stop pleading poverty as the reason they haven't raised their freelance rates in many years 
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I thought all the fussy little food prep moments with e.g. the American flag sliders in this week's ep rly underlined that!!!
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I love the way Succession uses food as a decorative prop. so many pastries in boardroom scenes, but eating is rare among the v wealthy characters other than when doing so is linked w status (this is why Tom likes wine chat). kinda like eating is too human and therefore too vulgar
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believe the paywall has been temporarily lifted on this for a bit so go wild :)
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